42 years ago today

It was 42 years ago today that my parents married.  I don't really remember their story.  I know they met through work and that they hadn't known each other long when they married.  They broke off their engagement and then got back together at the last minute and pulled the wedding together.

For whatever reason, they did not have the engagement ring right away, so they bought a ring out of a bubble gum machine.  Mom wore it around, and they both got a kick out of the reactions of their friends.  Apparently, very few people called their bluff and most people oohed and ahed over the obviously fake ring.  This just shows how goofy my parents were right from the start.  They maintained a pretty good sense of humor over the years.  You really have to do that if you are going to raise six kids.

It was my hope that we would be throwing a 50th wedding anniversary party for them someday.  My mom would have loved it,  Dad-not so much.  

It has really crossed my mind this week that life is different without my mom.  I was at my dad's house picking up the kids yesterday and thinking "what would Mom do with this?"  Tiffany and the boys are there so much.  What advice would she have for my widowed sister? Would the kids be driving her nuts, or would she be having a ball with them all there so much?  I wonder if Tony would be here if not for Mom's death.  She was a nurse and may have caught his need for medical intervention if she were here.  

We have continued with our traditions.  The cookouts at my parents house go on, and they are not as hard as you would think because, well, there are so many of us.  Vacation will be different, however.  Tony always spent the day poolside.  It will be strange to head to the pool and not find him there.  Mom was adventurous.  She would go with the group that wanted to ride jet skis and join them.  She would relax in the ocean when the waves were calm.  We would all hang out there and chat.  Mom generally found the condos or house we would rent.  We typically would eat out one meal, and Mom often searched for the restaurant with the right reviews and price point for our dinner out.  Unfortunately, she did not feel well for our last two vacations.  In 2009 she was recovering from major surgery and had to take it easy.  Last year she was battling for her life.  We all decided that we must go on vacation this year, but I wonder if this will be our last one.  Tony felt strongly about vacation.  He worked hard all year for that one week of reprieve.  Mom felt strongly about vacation.  She felt like we were making up for the years when we were kids and did not take vacations...ever.  I am not sure that the rest of us, aside from Josh, feel so strongly about this.  Don't get me wrong.  I think it is very important to take a week away with your family and will always fight to make that happen, but economically, it is so much harder than it used to be, and we go about as cheap as you can.  Vacations for a group as big as ours take lots of planning and hunting for a place to stay, so they are lots of work.  

Someone told me that it takes six months after the death of someone who suffered from a long illness to grieve that person as they were when they were healthy.  I am beginning to understand that as I am beginning to remember my mom when she was healthy and enjoyed travel and adventures and could do things with the grandkids.

I have heard it said that the saddest words in the English language are "what might have been."  That is where I am today, wondering what might have been.