Dinner Conversation

Last night at dinner:

Wyatt:  I just dread getting old.

Julia: Why, because of puberty?

Andy: Julia, what's your deal with puberty? (a word she does bring up often)

Julia: I'm just dying to know what it is.

Julia's art

I love this!  Julia brought it home today.  She's says it is oil pastel and baby oil.  

Our Perfectly Content Princess

A week ago or so, I received a text from my brother about finalizing vacation plans.

My family which includes all of my siblings, their spouses, and my Dad do vacation together every year.  It has been the only way we could afford a vacation.  A few years ago, Andy and I along with at least one of my other siblings could not afford to go.  Mom thought that the years that we did not all do vacation together weren't as much fun, so she and Dad started paying for it.  If not for that, we would not have gone over the last few years.

This year Dad has given us a per person price for vacation, and we simply cannot afford to go.  We will likely find plenty of fun at home, but the beach is out for us as a family.  I told Zach and Savannah that they can still go on vacation if they want.  Zach has a job and can pay his own way. Savannah can dip into her savings as she will likely get a job in a few months anyway, and she sometimes gets an opportunity to babysit for pay.

Savannah and I had a conversation that went like this:
Savannah: Will Wyatt and Julia get to go?
Me: No
Savannah: I think I would rather help come up with the money to send them.  I have had vacations for most of my life, and they have not.

Wow, just wow!
She never argues about the front seat.  She asks for very little.  Some of my family members just shake their heads, and say she's not like the rest of us.
How does she do it?  Savannah is disciplined.  She studies God's word every night and spends time alone with Him.  She sees no need to argue over unimportant things such as who sits in the front seat.  This is the same girl who wanted to cancel her 13th birthday party because she thought it was too expensive.  This is the same girl who questioned the expense of buying a dress she really liked when it was 40% off because $60 (we are talking a formal dress here that meets the school's standards)  was still too much.  This is the same girl who spent days one summer producing art to sell to raise money for Bible and Beach.  If she didn't go, she would give the money to someone else.  This is the same girl who has already decided to forgo Bible and Beach this year.  Why?  They can't take everyone, and she has been there, so maybe someone who would not normally get a chance should attend.

I could learn a lot from her.  She may be the easiest teenager to raise ever!  No she is not perfect, but she is often content.

Cancer Sucks

This morning another life was claimed too soon by cancer.  That makes two in my circle of friends this month.  I did not know either of them well.  Kristen had a local radio show that I loved to listen to on my way through carpool in the afternoon - always positive and upbeat.  I never knew her personally but knew her personality through her radio show, blog, and Bible study.  Andy does know her husband, and he and Kristen have a terrific family, a testimony to what terrific people they are.
Jeff and I talked on occasion when I ran into him.  We did some ministry together, and I was able to witness his continuous encouraging FB posts over the last year of his life.  Both he and Kristen battled cancer with grace and continued to encourage those around them.  In that way they both remind me of my mom, always clinging to faith.

Both Jeff and Kristen have children who are close to Savannah's age- the youngest child for both of them. Kristen and her husband were rapidly approaching the empty nest stage, and both these families lived and breathed Christ in their ministries.

Cancer Sucks! I can say it again and again.  It allows for hope and then robs it.  So many people are hurting over these losses.  Yet, they rejoice because these two amazing people are at home.  As Kristen would say - "no more tent living!"  My church community could certainly use lots of prayers right now, and the hurting families absolutely need them.

This news today, this hard news arrived one year and one day after I received a text message that I will never forget.

"Jim died today - heart attack."  I probably read it 70 times that day willing it to be untrue.  My friend had been married a mere 5 and a half years and faced widowhood with a two year old and a not quite four year old.  So hard to understand even now after she has survived that brutal first year after such a loss.

Victory  -Kurt's beautiful post to share the news with Kristen's blog followers

While Jeff and Kristen have victory, we know of two others who fight to win the battle against cancer in the flesh, in this world.  One is a co-worker of mine, the other a family friend whose oldest son was Zach's classmate and teammate in middle school. His diagnosis is terminal. Pray for them too.

Finally, I will close the post with some memories of Kristen.

I remember the first time I ever saw her.  She was introduced at a women's event at church.  Her husband had taken the position to oversee men's ministry. The lady who oversaw women's ministry at the time told us that Kurt (Kristen's husband) had told Kristen he hoped the head of women's ministry would be old and fat.  Our women's ministry leader was almost old enough to be Kurt's mom.  She shared that story and laughed then introduced Kristen and gushed, "Isn't she just adorable?!" - and she was.  This pretty, petite, soft-spoken lady stood before us.  Years later, her whole family was introduced to the church, kids and all, when Kurt took the position as head minister at a satellite campus.  At the time, I projected some of myself onto Kristen and thought she must not like being in front of people.  However, she was writing and teaching Bible studies and speaking at women's events.  Before I knew it, she was on the radio, and I loved her radio program.  Kristen clearly loved all people with open arms.  She had a way of drawing a story out of a guest, and she sought to share the "Excellent Things" God was doing.  It was so refreshing to hear someone looking for God at work all around us and finding such good in a broken world. She was so full of life and energy.  That radio piece of her ministry was barely launched before she got sick, and I have missed that radio program since she left it.  That makes this loss so much harder to understand - a mom not quite finished raising her kids, a new ministry taking off, and this hard, hard loss.  I don't think we will understand this side of Heaven.

The college decision process

On Friday Zach and I visited a small college seated about an hour away from St. Louis.  They have really pursued him for football, and we went to have a look, but I really did not expect Zach to like the school.  He has vetoed two other schools of comparable size based on size alone.  We were pleasantly surprised.  The team and coaches remind us of his high school experience.  The team is a true brotherhood, and the coaches strive for on the field success with a little bit of fun tucked into the program.  More important than on the field success, they seek to build men of character who will be good leaders, husbands, and fathers.  These coaches want players who play with heart, and if Zach goes there, I know they will get that from him.  

Zach loved the team and coaches.  His biggest concern is not having a buddy attending the same school.  The old smell of the buildings is not something Zach is used to as he attends school on a campus built in his young lifetime, so he was not enamored with that.   Zach was impressed enough to be anxious to share his experience with his friends in hopes that some of them will give this school a look.

Whether Zach will attend or not will really come down to the money.  Zach has been accepted at the in-state school that has a nationally recognized program in his desired field of study.  Tuition there is half of the Illinois school, so it seems like a no-brainer that  Zach would attend the in-state school.  However, the football program at the in-state school is apparently notorious for lacking follow through with potential players, so getting into it is tough.  In the end a career is one thing, but to do college while continuing to play a sport you love with mentors who want to develop a solid, godly man, is very important.  If the program of study is solid enough for a good career to follow, then this is worth consideration.

This mama has some concerns of her own about a school so far from home.  I want to see him play!  Clearly, we will see fewer games than if he stayed in-state, but I think they are all taped, so hopefully, I can still see the action even if I can't be there personally.

We are clearly still a long way away from completing this process though the financial piece is the biggest deciding factor.  If we had Zach's high school tuition to put toward this pursuit, that would be one thing, but every penny of that is being transferred to Wyatt's schooling at this point which means that whatever he cannot get in aide will come in the form of student loans.  Together those things will be required to fund 100% of his education.  That stinks, but we do plan to help him pay back student loans when he finishes.  With only two kids left in private school at that point, we should hopefully be in a position to pay college backwards.  

The college decision process that is in the final months for Zach begins now for Savannah.  Just this week we received her PLAN and PSAT scores.  These scores predict her success on the ACT and SAT respectively. Savannah scored well enough that if the scores accurately predict her future admission test scores, then she is eligible to have tuition fully covered at the college that she currently wants to pursue. I am waiting for her sixteenth birthday in April to register her for the ACT so that we can get a true baseline for her and begin the college search again for a different child.

The girls are really starting to grasp reality on this college search.  When Julia found out that we were visiting a college out of state, she said, "I need to know that Zach is in Kentucky."  I asked why.  "Because he is my brother," she said.

When Savannah asked how far away the school was, she realized that trips home would be few and far between for Zach.  She will really miss seeing him on the football field when she attends games next year, and it will be her first year of high school without her big brother there.  Savannah also realizes how quickly two years will go by and land her right where Zach is now, finalizing college plans.

I blinked.

Construction is underway around the arch, so we did not bother to try and see it up close.  Not to mention, it was super cold.

Union Station Hotel is really pretty on the outside.

The Union Station mall is pretty indoors but a real bust.  We were there at 10:30 a.m. and only two of the handful of stores in the mall were actually open.

There is a little railroad history museum in the mall.  I know this branding well as my dad retired from Southern Railroad where he worked as a train master and yard master.  We have very high train trestles in my home town.  They were a popular place for teens to go and climb when I was in high school.  Some fell to their deaths when caught up top with a train coming.  Because my dad had to investigate those deaths, I was assured death by falling, train, or my dad if I ever joined a group at the train trestles.  I never went there, and I would not have climbed them if I had. My deathly fear of heights would have stopped that.  If you followed our NYC trip back in July on the blog, you may have noticed that we did not have any experiences at the top of any buildings:)

3 years without my mom

As we prepared for the dance yesterday, my mom was not far from my mind.  I remembered that last night with her three years ago.  I was emotionally drained and struggled with getting to the hospital to spend the night with her.  The six of us took turns doing that.  Actually, I think the four girls took turns.  We went in pairs, and nobody else could go that night.  I did not think I could handle it alone, so Andy went with me for an hour or so.  Mom had a rough night -so much pain.  I doubt I was of any comfort because I make a clueless nurse.

Last night we got Savannah ready at her house.  I took pictures in front of the mantel where my mom's butterfly art hangs overhead.  She bought that in China.  I remember how intrigued she was by the work created from real butterfly wings.  She really wanted it but was unsure if we could safely get it home.  I think it was the very last day that she finally splurged on it.  As Tiffany and Tara worked on Savannah's hair and make up, I so wanted Mom's opinion - wanted her to see her granddaughter all dressed up for her first high school formal dance.  Of course we all wish that the three grandchildren she acquired since leaving for Heaven could all know her.

Sometimes three years seems like a long time ago.  Sometimes it seems like yesterday.  It was a brutal year of loss: the school and co-workers I loved, my brother-in-law, and my mom.  Sometimes I think I have recovered, and other times,  I doubt I ever will.

My blog post that appeared shortly after losing mom.  - link

Winter Ball

 The annual Winter Ball is being held tonight. As I type this, my teens are dancing the night away.

The theme - Great Gatsby

Savannah's hair is too long, thick, and fine textured for a true 20's style, so we opted for vintage Hollywood.  Tiffany worked hard on this.  She had at least three hairstyles almost complete that were all torn down for various reasons before settling on one that she, Tara, Savannah, and I all agreed worked.

We bought the dress last summer.  In order to meet school standards for dresses, we shop year round.  We found another good one just last week, so she is set for the next formal dance.

Savannah met several girlfriends for dinner before heading to the dance.  In my opinion this group is simply stunning.

Yes, I am THAT mom.  I went to the dance to get a couple of pictures. The girls were so sweet to cooperate, and I have already emailed them to Savannah so that she can share.

My biggest goal for going to the dance was to get a picture of my kiddos together at Zach's last Winter Ball.  All the seniors had to purchase tickets regardless of whether they attended.  This dance is a fund raiser for their class to raise money for the senior trip.  In the coming weeks, we will get Zach's balance on his account and finish paying for the trip.  They have to wait on that amount until the proceeds from this dance are tallied.

I wanted them to have the pros take a picture at the dance, but they both adamantly refused.  Neither was willing to give up party time to wait in line for pictures.  sigh

such good sports

I barely saw Zach today.  We went to my Dad's house so that Tiffany could do Savannah's hair.  Zach was still at work and already gone to meet his friends for dinner when I returned home after dropping Savannah off.

While  I would have loved to get a picture of Zach with his buddies, some of whom he has been with since elementary school, I did not want to cramp his style.  One of the teachers gathered this group for this shot, so I jumped in for a chance at it as well.  I do not know the boy in the middle, nor do I know the girl in red, but my blog followers probably recognize Zach's friend T.  

In honor of the dance theme, I went vintage for the photo that started this post.  I know I am biased, but I think she looked lovely tonight.

A new look

Wyatt got his glasses today.  I really like them.  It took two trips to get them adjusted correctly with his sixth grade physical sandwiched in between.  

Wyatt does not do medical appointments well at all.  We spent over an hour at the doctor's office which included the fight over vaccines. I am not anti-vaccine, but I am not pro all vaccines.  In addition, I do not believe in giving more than one vaccine per visit after having a child covered in hives the day after receiving five vaccines.  My doctors are wonderful, but we disagree on this.  Wyatt is not an easy patient, so his appointments are always a challenge. 

 Andy opted to take Savannah to get her winter ball dress hemmed instead of dealing with the doctors' office.  At first, I thought "he owes me big time!"  However, I have had two weather days at home this week. That's right, I have not yet been to work since before Christmas.  He, however, worked outside all night in sub zero temperatures with only one bathroom break.  He was told that due to the temperatures they would not be allowed to work outside for more than 20 minutes.  Not true.  There was no limit on the time spent outside.

He gets to do it again tonight, and right now he is hunting down a place that will hem Savannah's dress by Saturday.  I think maybe I owe him.

Now the question is "will he get home on time to take Julia to school tomorrow?"  That did not happen today, and I won't be here to back him up tomorrow morning.  I go to work before most of this household wakes up.

Wednesday update:

I like this picture better - celebrating having the the 6th grade physical behind us and new glasses with a spicy burger.  Note to my future daughter-in-law: just keep feeding him, and you will keep him happy.  

This spicy burger was about so much more than just the physical and glasses.  Julia went about her social life as usual over Christmas break.  Wyatt had one request.  He simply wanted to have a friend or two over.  That did not happen.  He fought a head cold the last several days of the break, and fearing he might be contagious, I didn't want to expose his friends, so this is a special treat to make up for that as well.  

I so appreciate my kids.  Zach has told Wyatt several times today that he really likes Wyatt's glasses.  He's being sincere.  Zach really can be a great encourager.

Andy did make it home no time to get Julia to school:)

Saturday update:

Wyatt's head cold has gone to his chest.  He is miserable, and I am frustrated.  This new year brought new insurance for us just as it has for many others.  I think he is going to need to see a doctor, but I am now stuck between a rock and a hard place.  I have to pay the full visit price which is more on the weekend.  He was just there on Tuesday!  Why or why didn't the doctor deal with this then?  Is it fair to wait until Monday and hope this goes away, or do I have to suck it up and pay for a visit for which I will have to pay extra and for which I will receive no break whatsoever?  Parenting can be so hard.

As I mentioned Wyatt is a challenging patient.  One reason for that is that he is extremely ticklish.  For the record he hates hates hates being tickled.  That is not a loving gesture in any way for him.  The stethoscope tickles him.  Checking his belly tickles him.  This may have been distracting enough for the doctor who admittedly got a little tickled himself by this unique trait of Wyatt's that he did not hear the cold progressing to Wyatt's chess, or maybe that has been a sudden development.