Show me a miracle

On Wednesday, my sister called to tell me that my uncle called my dad that day and urged us to visit my grandma.  Grandma by the Lake has been practically incoherent for two years.  In fact, when Mom died almost three years ago, no one told my grandma because she was not with it enough to grasp the reality.  Unfortunately, in her coherent moments, she thought Mom stopped loving her.

I last visited my grandma in March.  I went with my sisters, and she seemed to be more inconvenienced by us than anything.  She could not speak, and no emotion registered on her face.  Prior to that visit, whenever I saw my grandma, she would just light up.  While I could not be sure she knew who I was, I could be sure that she was glad to see me.  After the March visit, I made lots of excuses not to go.  We have a crazy busy schedule, and I have to be Mom first.  I don't like going alone.  She is in good hands, and the last visit seemed to do nothing for her.  In fact, it seemed to just disrupt a routine.

Then my uncle called my dad.  He said she was coherent - talking even.  Huh?? I went with my siblings (all six of us) and one sister-in-love, and five of our children to see for myself.  Wow!  Just Wow!  She talked.  She laughed.  Her face lit up.  She even cussed the staff.  Did I mention that she was always feisty?  I had a great time.  Is this a last hurrah for my 96 year old grandma?  I wondered.  My brother spoke with the staff.  She has been like this for weeks.  All of her medication has been changed.  So, we lost almost three years to medication.  On some level I understand that.  She gets anxious and paranoid, and they start medication to control that.  It works.  They don't take her back off of it, and then we lose her to a trap of mind altering medicine.  My mom fought that battle all the time when she was alive.  My uncle fights it now. Whatever the case, I will take this precious time with my grandma and enjoy it for as long as I can.  I think I will take the big kids, the ones who remember her best, to see her tomorrow.

As a side note, I have to brag on Wyatt.  He willingly, without being asked, gave Grandma by the Lake random hugs and cuddles while there.  He walked the hall without complaint with a resident who is clearly not in her right mind, but definitely sweet.  He even went to tell her goodbye when we left.  That boy has a gift with the elderly!

Family History

Savannah is working on a genealogy project for her social studies class.  She is required to list the birth dates and anniversaries of each generation from her great-grandparents down to herself.  For reasons unbeknownst to me, she is not required to have the death dates.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to find anniversary dates?  I remember when I was planning my wedding, my grandma (aka Grandma by the Lake) told me that I had chosen a bad date because it fell right in between Andy's birthday and my birthday.  Since our birthdays are only a month apart, she argued that no one would remember our anniversary.  Well, it seems that no one would have remembered anyway.  I told her then that I didn't think it mattered if anyone but Andy and I remembered.  Anyway, I digress.  Part of Savannah's project involves finding a funny or interesting family story, and as we tried to come up with interesting and funny things about our relatives, it occurred to me that I should blog what I know of my grandparents for the sake of my children (who never actually read this blog as I have already established, but maybe someday...)

This first picture is of my maternal grandparents.  This is what I know of the two of them.  I think they met at some military place during World War II.  I think my grandma was working there in some civilian role, and my grandpa was a soldier.  My grandma was a single mom when they met. She left an abusive husband with her daughter and moved on with her life.  At a time when single moms did not make up more than 50% of the population, she was very fortunate to have family support and that my grandpa's family welcomed her whole-heartily.  

After their marriage, they settled in Mississippi near my grandpa's family.  Grandma had been born and raised in Kentucky, one of six girls.  Together, my grandparents had my Uncle Jack and my mom. Overwhelmed with the work of raising the children, my grandma got some household support with a hired lady.  When my mom was two years old, my grandpa was killed in a construction accident at work.  My mom went to the door to look for him at 5:00 every day for a month after his death.  With broken hearts my grandma and the lady my grandpa had hired to help her with the household parted ways.  Grandma took her children back home to be close to her side of the family.  She waited tables to support herself and the children, and she ended up putting herself through nursing school.  She later married the only man that I ever new as "Grandpa" and was widowed again when he died in 1991.

My favorite story about my grandma is the one where she dropped out of school in 4th grade.  This is where I really wish she could talk and tell me this story again.  I know she didn't get along with the teacher, and they had an altercation one day that caused her to run home.  Her teacher sent an eighth grade boy after her.  That may have been the teacher's biggest mistake.  My great-grandpa was at home and working outside when my grandma arrived with an eighth grade boy hot on her trail.  I believe that boy probably got an ear full, but the teacher got it worse. My great-grandpa marched right over to that school and let the teacher know in no uncertain terms that she was never to send an eighth grade boy after any of his girls and that my grandma would not be returning to school.  She did return the following year when a new teacher took over, but she never caught up on math.  Years later when she was in nursing school, one of Mom's teachers tutored her so that she could handle the math work.

I am fairly certain that my grandma was a daddy's girl.  I never heard her express any love for her mother.  My great-grandfather died when my grandma was twelve years old.  The oldest three of their girls remained with my great-grandmother taking care of her because she was always "ill."  Her oldest daughter took care of her for the rest of her life and died before my great-grandma.  The younger three girls were sent to an orphanage.  There was jealousy on both sides with the thought that the grass was greener on the other side.

Grandma by the Lake was always feisty, and I think that is why she is still with us today.  We saw her Labor Day weekend.  I don't know if she knows who we are, but her face just lights up when we visit.  She can speak two words clearly, and the rest just gets jumbled up.  Grandma by the Lake became Grandma by the Lake when Zachary and Savannah were little.  They were fortunate enough in their early years to have every one of their great-grandmas alive.  There were too many who wanted to be called "Grandma" to keep them all straight, and Grandma by the Lake lived in an apartment complex with a big pond where she would take them to feed the fish, so she became Grandma by the Lake.

She was a great cook.  I still miss her green beans, fried chicken, and goulash. Other than her cooking, I remember that when we were little Grandma's house reeked of smoke.  She was quite the chain smoker and smoked for a few decades before she quit.  Grandma also loved to shop, especially yard sales and bargain stores.  I know it would be the right thing to do to shop yard sales and consignment for my family, but Tiffany and I were just discussing how Grandma turned us off to yard sales.  She would buy garbage bags full of clothes for us, and I honestly believe that she would go to the end of the sale and take whatever was left because I cannot remember a single time that we could use anything she sent our way.  If we tried to refuse her purchases, she got really hurt, so we had to thank her, take them and then deal with getting rid of the much too worn and stained clothing she sent us.

This is another fun fact about my grandma.  My grandma's name is Thelma, and her name along with those of her sisters in order of birth are fun to say out loud.  Give it a try:

Alma, Thelma, Mabel, Marie, Ann, Leigh

I know very little about my biological grandpa.  A few years ago, Mom came across his Bible and some letters he had written to my grandma during the war.  Mom did not keep up with his side of the family, but my uncle did.  I know that as of about a decade ago, all of his siblings had Alzheimer's Disease.  

I think all three of my grandpa's served in World War II.  My step-grandpa was on one of the first special forces teams.  Somewhere there is a book about his team, and he is mentioned in it.  He nicknamed me Sukoshi when I was a baby.  It is pronounced "Scoshee" and means "little one" in Japanese.

The funniest story about him is that he babysat me one time while my mom and grandma were out.  Either he thought they left him with no diapers, or they actually did.  I think that was always debated.  In any case they returned to find me wrapped in towels.

On my Dad's side of the family, I knew my grandparents as Jewell and Todd.  I think they thought it would keep them young if they had their kids and grandkids refer to them as everyone else did.  Todd served in the navy and spent his working years as a security guard on a college campus.  Jewell was a home-maker and excellent seamstress.  

Their house was such fun to visit.  I wish I had pictures of it.  The wrap-around porch was big enough for chasing games, and the inside was always roomy.  My great-aunt Evelyn (Todd's sister) lived with them for as long as I can remember, and she kept quite a flower garden. Todd grew tomatoes, and family was always stopping by their house.  It was the place to be.

Jewell made the suit that I wore to interview for my first teaching job in 1993.  I still have the jacket.  She also made Zachary a beautiful baby quilt, and I am doing everything I can to preserve it. She baked bread from a starter that we all still crave today.  My sister-in-law, who never tasted it has tried numerous recipes to try and duplicate it for my brother.  I know that Jewell always baked chocolate cream pies for my dad if she knew he would be visiting.  That stopped when he had bypass surgery in his forties.  Her cooking was not so great, but man she could bake.

I remember that Jewell would walk us out the back door when we were leaving her house, and then go through the house to the front door and wave to us from the porch.  It was always a big deal to us that she wave from the front porch.  She almost always cried when we left.  Jewell used to irritate Mom because just when we would be getting ready to go, she would start cooking something for us that we had to take with us.  Mom always found that to be a bit manipulative.

Todd was apparently a strong man in his younger years.  According to my dad, it is possible that he killed a man with his bare hands.  He defended a woman who was being attacked and left the man without knowing if he was alive or dead when Todd was finished with him.

What I remember about Todd is that he chased us for kisses and that he played Yahtzee every night.  He and Dad argued about politics a lot, and to this day, I pretty much leave the room if politics become the topic of conversation.  We either all agree and moan and gripe, or we don't agree and argue.  Neither is fun in my opinion.

Todd died on my 11th birthday.  Jewell died on Christmas Eve in 2002.

I'm so spoiled!

Mother's Day weekend started with a tea with Julia at her school.  My guess is that the mother's day tea hosted by the kindergarten teachers is the replacement for the traditional and adorable kindergarten Q and U wedding.  I ran late as it is time to play collection agency at school, and I was finishing up getting the lists of library obligations to the administrators.  My effort was well rewarded with high-calorie treats and a sweet gift of Julia's "bronzed" shoe to help me remember her when she was small.  Julia's teacher recited some poems and scriptures related to mothers and then read Love You Forever. Fortunately, I believe that every mom had read the book already, or I am sure a room full of weeping moms and perplexed five year olds would have ended the fun.

On Sunday I awoke to breakfast in bed. A funny side note...as I mentioned in a previous post, my kids were all about Mother's Day.  Wyatt told me his intention for my gift, and Savannah needed me to answer questions for a survey.  Suspicious about this "survey," I asked how many people would be surveyed.  Just one....hmmm.  Anyway the questions pertained to my favorite meals; breakfast, lunch and dinner and my favorite lotions, restaurants, dessert etc.   Needless to say the results of the survey were quite evident on mother's day from the moment I awoke to breakfast in bed (courtesy of Savannah and Andy) including homemade french toast and fresh squeezed orange juice.  Beautiful homemade cards followed along with candles, shower gel, and lotion in some of my favorite scents. I also received a homemade rain stick with messages from each of the kids along with the Proverbs 31 verse (don't you hate that Proverbs 31 woman?). One little, hilarious glitch occured.  Zach can sleep through anything, and the attempts of his siblings to awake him for their Mother's Day surprises were in vain, so they tried the effective ice treatment.  I poked my head in his room to give him the 15 minute reminder that we needed to leave for church only to be pelted on the head with an ice cube.  Wyatt told Zachary that was not a good Mother's Day gift, and I have to agree. An after church, undisturbed, two hour nap was much needed followed by a lunch or supper (it was 3:00 by that time)  of lemon caper chicken followed by homemade cheesecake (a masterpiece of Andy's with the help of Julia). 

We then made our way to see Grandma by the lake.  Don't get me wrong. My Mother's Day was very special up to that point, but the icing was just about to be put on the cake.  My grandma's face lit up when she saw us.  Everything else, my heavy heart over that painful letter on Saturday, being able to fill my home with some of my favorite scents, having homemade cheesecake with caramel topping paled in comparison.  Grandma then went on to make the day extra special.  She has not spoken more than a phrase or two to her visitors in months.  When we went to leave, Grandma stated "how sweet!" as each of the kids kissed her goodbye.  She then told us she loved us, goodbye, and to come back and see her.  Wow!! Does it get any better than this!?

We then paid a visit to my mom.  I had seen her Friday night, and she was still in pain from her surgery.  On Sunday, she was up and about and looked to be much more comfortable.  I must declare this my best Mother's Day ever!  Happy belated Mother's Day to all my mom friends!

Grandma by the lake

On Friday of spring break, we headed out of state to visit my maternal grandma.  Once upon a time she lived in an assisted living apartment with a nice lake out front.  Zach and Savannah were small then, and Grandma was always "Grandma" to me.  My mom also preferred to be called Grandma, and Andy's grandmothers were also called Grandma with their last names attached, so my Grandma became "Grandma by the lake." 

I haven't seen her in months as she was pretty out of it and unaware for a couple of months.  She is doing better now, however, and as you can see, she looks pretty good for 93 years old.  She is much too thin though.  That isn't apparent in this picture, but she is.

My grandma has been a fiesty lady as long as I have known her.  She raised three kids waiting tables and was a single mom most of those years.  She also has the funniest story about dropping out of school in fourth grade.  Grandma eventually went to nursing school and finished her career years as a nurse.

Unfortunately, she cannot talk much now.  During our visit the only word she spoke was "picture" right after I snapped the photo above.  I showed her the picture.  I told her what all the kids have been doing, but I am not sure how much she heard. I am sure that she knew exactly who we were as her face lit up to see us.  I am anxious to visit again soon.