Yep, Mom guilt has hit hard this week. Dad guilt is different. I feel very guilty, and Andy feels slightly guilty. What has happened to provoke this predicament?
The details were provided to the band this week. The details of their upcoming band trip that includes some really fun activities. Zach is not going. He is not being punished. When the word came out that the band would be taking a trip, we had just recovered from paying for football. A trip for Zach simply was not in the budget. I could have forgone a weekend getaway with Andy so that Zach could go. Why feel guilty about that, you might ask? Well, he could have applied for a scholarship, but we did not make that happen. So, he understands -at least he claims he does, but then he says, "do you know that they are going to X, and that they are going to do Y?" Then I wonder, does he feel left out? Surely he does. He asks if he will ever get to participate in a band trip. I tell him I hope so. Then, I feel guilty. Andy doesn't feel guilty. Zach has had great opportunities, he says. He has done some amazing things. It was different when we were kids. Our parents didn't just write a check. There were fundraisers, and we raised as much of the money as we could. Andy is right.
Then there is Savannah. My shy daughter who was not picked for any of the rooms on the overnight, middle school band trip. She became the odd one out and will share a room with either orchestra students or 8th graders. Why, I ask myself didn't I just sign up to chaperone? Oh, I remember, she didn't want me to. I never know with her, though. Does she want the independence of not having Mom on the trip, or does she worry about the expense so much that she must say "no." She wouldn't be wondering about her room, whether it will be full of strangers, or not....whether she will be the outsider in a group of friends if I were a chaperone. There goes the mom-guilt again. It is just a job hazard. I will get over it.