Isn't it Ironic?

While I posted yesterday that I was really enjoying my one day as a stay at home mom, Zach and Andy were visiting a college.  During the course of that visit, they felt it apparent that Zach would fit in well there.  The football team was ready to sign him before he walked off campus. In fact they told Zach that if they could offer athletic scholarships, then they would offer him a full ride.  That frustrates Zach. He feels like you have to be good and wealthy to play NCAA Division III.  If you are really good and can go D-1, then you get money to help you out with school.  Andy feels frustrated as well.  Athletics draw future students to a school and get the school name out there, and athletes are expected to do school and essentially work a full time job with the practices and games, but they can only receive academic scholarships to D-3 schools.  We are learning so much about all of this.  We are also learning that, at least in our state, D-1 schools recruit from other states first.  They expect in-state athletes to try and walk on unless they are national recruits.  The walk on process is frustrating as well.  You have to be invited to the tryouts by the coaches.  They are not advertised.

The school ran the numbers on Zach's FAFSA, and that was a game changer.  Even with his scholarship and a deferred loan, our monthly out of pocket expense would be $1000.  While it sometimes feels like we spend that now on Zach, the reality is that it is out of reach for us. I can't even think of a second job I could take where I could make even half of that.  So, another door closes, and we are back to the drawing board.

We have not yet broken the news to Zach, and the reality is that even though we don't yet have the numbers from the state school, they will likely be similar.  It turns out that Zach's dream of playing college football may be just that - a dream, which seems like a waste of talent.  I only recently realized how bad he wants to continue to play football.

Of course this leaves me reviewing the years behind us trying to figure out what we could have done differently which is a total waste of time because it does not change anything for Zach.  Private schooling was probably the biggest factor that put us in this position, but every time we considered pulling the kids out, we felt that God showed us why they needed to stay, something that was often reaffirmed in hindsight, but maybe we misunderstood God in those circumstances.   $1000 a month might be doable if we did not still have three other kids to support.  It is becoming apparent that we really missed His leading somewhere in this college search.  Even if this door is closed, there is a reason that we may or may not discover.

At this point there is another state school that Zach can consider, and if that does not work out, then he really will need to attend the community college to get his basic requirements out of the way before pursuing his degree program his junior and senior year. None of the local schools offer Zach's degree program, so at some point, he will have to leave home to pursue it.  Hopefully, community college won't discourage him to the point of quitting as I know he really wants the college experience. Yet I know that in the end, this is still a 1st world problem.

The door is only open the tiniest crack, and while I believe in miracles, I can't see how we can get one here. Bummed! After a mostly sleepless night, I will return to work today and prepare for a group of active 10 year old boys to stay the night tomorrow.  Oh boy!