The ironies of raising Savannah

Parenting is such an interesting adventure as we see the personalities and talents of our children develop.  We often see ourselves reflected in our children, and sometimes that's not such a good thing.  As I ponder my girls, I find the ironies of who they are becoming contrasted with whom I thought they would become.  This seems especially true of late regarding Savannah.


As a preschooler, Savannah was quite the red-headed girl.  She threw tantrums.  My way of dealing with tantrums was isolation.  I figured they lost the steam if no one got to observe the undoing. Off to her room she would go and then proceed to throw her things out into the hallway because she would not be ignored.  I would have to go in her room and restrain her so that my new hardwood floors would not be ruined.  You would think that after all that drama, I would now have a dramatic teenager on my hands.  Not so.  Savannah is probably the most helpful of our kids.  Wyatt holds a close second on that one.  She is perfectly content.  Instead of focusing on what she wants, she worries about what it costs us and is reluctant to ask for much.


As a preschooler Savannah was also a chatterbox.  She talked so much that my visions of school conferences to come always involved a teacher telling me that Savannah is sweet, but she could not be quiet.  As it turned out, Savannah is quiet - maybe too quiet. She is soft-spoken, and a couple of her teachers have told me that when she raises her hand, they always call on her because they know that whatever she has to say has been well-thought out.  The quiet Savannah reminds me of me.  I still find myself pulling away from people because I just struggle to speak up.


I remember thinking that Zach was on his way to becoming a talented visual artist, but Savannah would probably pursue performing arts of some kind.  While she loves the band, her true passion lies in visual art, and I like her work.  I can't draw a decent stick person, so she did not get this from me.  


Savannah spent the night with her friend Emily when she was in first grade and never had a problem.  Until a bad experience at camp in the third or fourth grade, Savannah spent the night away from home without so much as a phone call.  After that camp experience, she became much more of a homebody and would not stay the night with friends.  Just recently, she returned to sleepovers and is ironically on a four day trip out of town with a friend as I type this.


The biggest irony has come in deciding on high school.  I admit that we have raised Savannah in a bubble.  She attends a Christian school and knows very few non-Christians.  I really felt when we were deciding on school for Zach and thus for all who would follow him that God impressed upon me the need for Christian schooling.  I felt like He said to me that if I wanted my kids to follow Him that their training ground for life should include Him.  Nothing has changed in that regard.  However, I question continuously whether my children should have more exposure to the world while they are under our roof and we can address the things they encounter.  I question whether the money is well spent.  Without the expense of tuition, we might be able to afford another adoption.  Surely, we could manage family mission trips, a long time dream of ours that has never been realized.  Yet, we keep pursuing this Christian education because we want no stone unturned in the training of our children in righteousness, and we know that as iron sharpens iron, so does one man sharpen another.  We trust the school to hire teachers whose faith and doctrine are sound, and we have found that for the most part the school does just that.  


Of all of our kids, we have always felt that adapting to another school would be fine except in Savannah's case.  This Christian school builds her confidence in a safe environment, and we love her friends.  We have probably gotten closer to the families of her friends than those of any of our other kids.  Now we face the high school decision, and Savannah has surprised us yet again.  She has shadowed at a local school (actually the school where I work), and she feels like she should attend high school there.  I want her to stay put, but I admit that I want it for all the wrong reasons.


When Zach went through this, the public school he almost attended had something to offer that our Christian school did not.  Zach had placed 5th in the state wrestling tournament and wanted to continue wrestling.  Our school did not have a team.  I worked at the school he wanted to attend and found the faculty to be very cohesive, much like a family.  I could trust my son with them even if I did not agree with them on moral issues.  In Savannah's situation, I do not see where she has anything to gain by leaving her school.  If I had been in this school for more than a few months, I might see it differently.  However, there is no sport or program that interests her that she can't pursue at her Christian school.  It has crossed my mind that if she leaves, Wyatt can return, and in this continuously shaky economy, we could maybe catch our breath, but I am leaning toward keeping her put.  


While I wrestle with this decision, I am also aware that I want Savannah to stay for all of the wrong reasons.  Zach stayed, and I was glad because I wanted him to have missions opportunities, but the truth is Zach is more interested in mission work offered by our church, and if he had not stayed we would be in a better position to afford that.  Don't get me wrong, I feel very strongly that Zach's decision to stay was the right one. For Savannah, I think of the relationships that she has built over the last nine years and think she won't even be included in the school reunions.  Really?  Can I justify a decision based on something like that?  She can choose to stay in touch with whomever she wants.  I think of having two kids in one high school as opposed to two...so much easier on the family.  I think that if she leaves she may have regrets that she won't have if she stays as she may miss her school and the people there.  


In the end I will pray about this a lot and Andy, Savannah and I will work on this decision.  If we struggle, Andy gets the final say.  I really can't say that I like making decisions, but here we go again.