Grow Old Along with Me

Andy and I celebrated our anniversary a few days late.  Our actual anniversary fell on a Tuesday which is the one day that Andy cannot take off work, and the day that he often works beyond his scheduled hours, and we spent the evening at a fall sports parent's meeting.  We could probably have forgone the meeting as we've been around that block more than a few times, but Julia is playing a new sport for this family, so we needed to get the info on that.

Anyway, we enjoyed a delicious meal at a restaurant that uses only fresh, locally grown ingredients.  Yummy!  We followed that up with a beautiful evening walk.

percussion on  the river

and we will probably never get the selfie thing down --- maybe if we buy one of those sticks?

My Next Project- Death Planning

It's been more than 18 months since my dad died, and I opened a probate.  I realized very quickly in this process that my dad did not know what he was doing when he planned for his death.  He tried to make it very easy on us, but we ran into roadblocks that could have been avoided, I believe.  He did have a will and did the best he could, but his life insurance was handled incorrectly.  As soon as I realized what I was up against, I decided that once this process was complete, I would take a piece of my inheritance and redo my own will.  I have known for years that we needed to change our guardian. The guardian, for us, was the driving force that caused us to get wills done in the first place.  In my state minors are placed in a group home while the fate of their futures are decided in court.  The only way to avoid that is to have a will with a named guardian.

We are not finished wrapping up Dad's estate.  At this point it will be messier than it would have been had we finished earlier as the probate ends this month.  Given what I have learned, I am hoping that this project will protect my family in the event of my death.

Once I realized how little I knew, I set up an appointment with an estate lawyer.  My only regret was not doing that sooner.  That appointment was invaluable, and I would do it again if ever faced with being the executrix of an estate (I have no plans to agree to being an executrix for anyone again, and I do not recommend doing it.  It's lots of work.  It's frustrating work.  If you have the money, pay a lawyer to do it for you).

In order to protect my own family as much as possible, I have ordered this planner:

I'm Dead, Now What? (link to the left)

The reviews on it indicate that it is very helpful for guiding you to think through those things that people who would be charged with handling your affairs need to know.  I expect it to be a process to complete the book that may take weeks or even months.  I expect that it may even need to be updated from time to time and possibly replaced every five years or so, but as morbid as it sounds, it would hopefully make an already difficult situation easier. The reality is that unless we are here until Jesus returns, we will all die - might as well plan.

On a lighter note, many years ago my sister-in-law received a phone call soliciting her to pre-plan her funeral. She responded that this would not be necessary as she was not planning to die.  I thought that was a great way to handle that call. I mean would the telemarketer just think you are crazy, or would they think that was funny?  Would they just stop trying to make the sale right there?  

I have heard that currently estate planners recommend Living Trusts instead of wills.  I have yet to look into all of that, though I know I should.  

Finally, I will leave this post with a few things I do know.

For parents of dependent children, when you name a guardian, if you want that guardian to allow your child to purchase a car from whatever money you leave, you have to state that in your will (at least that is the case in my state).  My own opinion on that is that teenagers demand a lot of driving from their parents.  Why would I make it even more challenging on a family willing to raise my kids by not allowing them the freedom to make that choice?  

Before you choose your beneficiaries for your life insurance, check with the company with whom you have the insurance to see if they limit the number of beneficiaries you are allowed.  Just because the form only has two or three lines does not necessarily mean that you are limited to two or three.  Since we have four children and two of them have already reached adulthood, we need to revisit our policies and look at how our beneficiaries are set up.  This is important because life insurance is not taxed.  If you have a big enough policy and want your children to split it, and you don't name all of them you have a couple of problems.  1. Life insurance does not go through probate and is not part of an estate, therefore you are counting on your kids to do the right thing. 2. If the policy is big enough, and your child does the right thing- say child A is the beneficiary and plans to split the policy with child B, child B is receiving a check from child A rather than from an insurance company, and if that check is bigger than the federal limit for cash gifts, it does get taxed.  

Know what your state does in the event that you die without a will.  I have a friend who has shared a nightmare situation where a man died suddenly with no will.  By state law his wife and children were to split his estate.  In order for his wife to stay in the house, she had to buy out her children, by law.  I believe the problem was that the house was solely in his name, but these are the types of loopholes you want to avoid because grieving is hard enough.

Who knew?

Who knew that twenty-five years to the day after this picture was taken, Andy would be unable to take off work, and I would be committed to an evening parent meeting?  Life.

Who knew that there would be four kids?  We prayed (or at least I did) that they would be better than we were.  So far, we have an adult child committed to loving on a refugee family and helping them learn to navigate and thrive in this new homeland.  We have another adult child serving an organization that helps families in crisis and loving on an inner city community.  I'd say in these ways they are better than we were at their ages.  As for the other two, they've been spending a few Wednesdays loving children in a park near a low income apartment complex.  One of them always, always notices the unnoticeable and bids them a good day.  The other is known as a total sweetheart for the way she loves on her friends.  So far they are better than we were.

Who knew that twenty-five years later our dream trip to Hawaii would still bel a dream deferred and has actually been replaced by a desire to see Italy? We would add seeing the Rocky Mountains in two more seasons and a heritage tour of China to the bucket list. 

Who knew that twenty-five years later I would be searching for a silicone wedding band for my man as an anniversary gift?  He hates to go anywhere without wearing his wedding band, but it tears his hand up sometimes when he plays the cajon.  I used to be such a purest - taken aback by those who would exchange the symbol blessed on their wedding day for newer and fancier models of their humble rings.  Now I am a purist in another way.  I don't want our rings resized and would rather replace them than do that.

Who knew that we would have a child who desires a marriage like ours?

Who knew that twenty-five years later I would still be considering the wedding reception one of the most fun events of my life?  I mean can you beat being surrounded by people you love, socializing and dancing the night away?

Who knew that twenty-five years later, my wedding dress would still be in the box it has been stored in since being preserved by a local cleaner?  I have never even taken a peek at it, so who knows if it actually my dress and if they even put the veil in there? 

Who knew of all the adventures we would have?  Who knew of all the heartache?  

What I do know is that I married the right guy.  He's a rock.  He rides the storms with me and calms me when they shake me to my core.  He has made me laugh countless times.  He is the one who has been willing to put up with me for 25+ years, and that's pretty amazing.

This sums him up pretty well..

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. I Corinthians 13:4-7

Hoping the next 25 more years will be filled with fun adventures, great friends, and more children. 

Enjoying some really beautiful weather

Summer time when the living is easy...

Bonus - oh so close balloons!

Fireworks!!!

 On Saturday, July 7th we gathered in a neighborhood park for a fireworks show.  I loaded my camera with a memory card and full battery only to leave it at home.  I've always wanted to get amazing pics of fireworks, but it's a balance between wanting to enjoy the show and the company and wanting to be patient enough to keep shooting for that perfect pic.  I do like these that I captured with my phone.

I convinced Jonathan and Tessa to bring their families out to see the show. Joshua also joined us.  It's a fun evening with friends and family and a great live band.  Hopefully, this will be a new tradition.  Everyone seemed to have a good time.

Trusting / Perspective / Small stuff

On Monday this week I responded to an email regarding my hope for continuing my second job.  As it turns out, the district wants fewer people in that position, so they are surveying those of us currently serving in that capacity to determine our intentions toward staying.  I am one of the last two hired, so it is only fair that they would keep others before me.  I know some may not be willing to work at the new location as it is not the safest place, and we have to leave after dark, so we will see how things pan out.  I started that job in October and knew that it was not a stable position given all the restructuring going on in my district.  Therefore, I never made that income part of my bill paying cycle.  From the beginning it was set aside to fund my trip to Washington D.C. with Julia.  My hope for the coming year was that it would put a small amount toward a debt I am anxious to unload and fund Bible and Beach for my kids next summer.  You may be thinking that Bible and Beach should be their expense, not mine, but neither is really old enough to secure regular employment, and during the school year, with sports, we will only allow them to work one day a week.  It's harder to find an employer to train you to work one day per week when you couldn't yet work more than that for the preceding summer. I do feel that they should start working at sixteen and start learning life skills like how to juggle multiple schedules and plan ahead as well as how to work under authority and how to manage their own bank accounts.  However, neither of them has reached the age of sixteen yet.  All this to say that job or no job, God's got this, and He has a plan.  I am resting in that because last year was the first time in five years that my income increased.  Some of those years it actually decreased.  I am due a tiny increase this year and will likely not see another for the rest of my career.  Meanwhile tuition was a 10% increase for this family, and that was just for high school.

On Tuesday Savannah texted and asked how to handle the fact that she backed into a parked car, and there was damage.  She's so upset with herself, but when you've had forty some odd trips around the sun, you realize that this is small potatoes.  We all get mad at ourselves when we make mistakes after having been so cautious to protect our own property and that of others.  We turned it over to the insurance.  Given the pictures I am not even sure the repair will cost as much as the deductible, so the fact that her insurance will likely increase really stinks.  However, I feel it is safest to file a claim in this kind of situation.  Here's why- years ago one of my family members was driving when the van in front of her jerked suddenly into the other lane.  She found herself in the rear end of a parked truck. The damage was minimal, and both cars were pretty much junkers, so she and the other driver agreed that she would just pay the damages and keep the insurance out of it. My relative's car was totaled. Then the other driver tried to get more than the repair price out of her.  Suddenly, there was damaged stereo equipment that had been in the back.   I don't remember.  Anyhow, as soon as that business started, she turned the accident over to insurance, and the family speculated that the car that jerked out of the way may have been involved in a scheme to cause an accident hoping for some money from it. Interestingly, the stereo equipment was suddenly a non-issue once insurance was involved.  I cautioned Savannah to take pictures and submit them immediately to the insurance because the other driver could drive away and hit something and then try and claim that as Savannah's damage.  While she beat herself up, the world was rejoicing yesterday as the last of a team of young soccer players exited a cave where they had been trapped for weeks.  I reminded my girl that I have not been camping outside of a cave for almost a month uncertain about whether my child would emerge alive.  This car incident will not involve a costly rescue on an international level where one highly trained expert would lose his life.  Perspective.

Another jolt of perspective hit me this morning as I listened to to Wally show while running errands and was reminded that the fact that we have cars and a roof over our heads puts us in the top 15% of world wealth.  Sometimes I don't see how we will keep going, but God has kept us afloat, the mortgage paid and food on the table for 2.5 decades now.

Even so, Satan attacks, and small stuff can certainly seem like big stuff.  Savannah works this summer with people in their twenties who have given up their summer income potential, and sometimes a year of income in order to love as Jesus asks us to.  During this summer two interns have lost their cars - one to a costly repair that would be more than the value  of the car, and the other to an accident where the car was totaled. Another intern wrecked this week.  This is probably a big deal to them, so can you all just pray?  Satan may win some battles, but God is bigger!

While we are speaking of small stuff, my computer mouse has just about driven me crazy while typing this entire post...literally small stuff - but irritating just the same.  Confession time.  I try to  remember the positive, but I am human, and yes, I do spend some sleepless nights worrying over the future.  I am still a sinner in desperate need of a savior.  Find the joy - if I do not get to keep my job it may be because Andy is seeing more opportunity to pursue his passion for playing the drums.  I may need to be at home in the evenings. It may be that another opportunity will be set before me.  One thing I love about my second job is the opportunity to see how creative teachers are as they prepare things for their classrooms.  I have seen student projects that are truly amazing and involved so much learning.  Teachers give up their Saturdays to work on these things for their students and often give right out of their own pockets too. There is no way for students or even parents to begin to grasp what sacrificial love goes into working for these students.  Another opportunity to be inspired in a similar way would be fun as well.  I have learned so much, and it has been worth it, even if only for a few months.


P.S. - The schedule is out, and I still have my second job! In fact, I return to work there in less than two weeks. Looks like B&B may be a go for the kids next summer, and/or we may be able to cover fall sports without going into debt.  It's bittersweet.  I certainly would rather be at home, but the hours are quite reasonable for my family.  I do need to stop by in the next week to get the lay of the land since the move.
2nd P.S. and now the job is up in the air again.  Again, I started this job knowing that it held some uncertainty.  I am not sure if the job is up in the air, or if just the schedule is up in the air - not sure if I will just be starting later.  Who knows?

Family, Family, so glad you're here!

Let Freedom Ring!

I will get to the 4th after just a little catch up.

Wyatt and friends ready to embark on a beach trip

They had a great time - at least Wyatt did.  He also failed to bring home his blankets, pillow and swim trunks.  I had admonished him to mark everything with his name before leaving.  He claimed he did, but I found very little marked in his laundry.  I hope his stuff shows up in the lost and found but am not holding out much hope since he left it in the hotel room.  UGH!  I am glad he had a good experience with his buddies though.  

Who doesn't love a hammock?  Julia has wanted one for a couple of years and finally found a good enough deal to get one. Now we are going to have to bathe that thing in bug spray or get one of those net covers.

Andy has a birthday this month.  In order to include Savannah and Julia, we celebrated on Monday.  Poor guy - that ended up being one sucky birthday.  A strong storm blew through delivering the real news that we do indeed have a serious roof leak that goes behind a wall - no telling how much damage is behind that wall.  On top of that, our cable box was fried by a power surge - hence the reason I didn't divide this post and post it in separate entries. That was the day that we learned that our vision insurance has changed and had quite the sticker shock for Wyatt's and Julia's eye appointments.  I should not have been surprised as Andy's benefits keep landing on the chopping block, and I can't really complain on this one because we still have vision insurance, and I still paid less than a lot of people do to correct their vision.  However, it went well beyond what I had budgeted even with the possibility of an increase in mind, and I have since learned that we owe even more than we were charged that day as they made a mistake in calculating our total. We also learned that Savannah was dealing with a really unsafe situation right outside of her door.  That situation has since been resolved and much precaution was taken during the waiting.  So that was fun - as Savannah would say about bad stuff (insert sarcasm font).  Anyway, as all adults know, birthdays aren't all fun, games and celebrations.  Sometimes they just suck.We are still doing better than we deserve.

How did we celebrate our nation's independence and freedom?  We started with one of my favorite church services of the year where we honored our military service personnel and celebrated our freedom to worship.

During our weekend group, this verse showed up.  It showed up lots after Mom died and now sometimes shows up around anniversaries regarding my parents.  So last Friday would have been my Dad's 75th birthday, and July 3rd would have been my parents' 49th anniversary.  I used to think that this verse came up so much because God was going to blow my mind.  Now I think it's just reassurance that my parents are doing just fine - better than I can ask or imagine.

Because a big family vacation (meaning one with my siblings and their families) is off the table this year, we did decide to try and get two family amusement park visits in as a group.  As we tried to work out dates, one of my sisters suggested just going on the 4th.  The park has a fireworks show, and everyone was off work anyway, so we decided to spend a day in the blistering heat at an amusement park (seriously heat index of 105- highly unusual in these parts).

For Kallie and Kinsley, this was a first, and they really enjoyed their day.  

Isaac (pictured above with Kallie) is in the unfortunate position of being the youngest and shortest of his siblings, and they are all so close in age.  Regan and Ira both passed the threshold of getting to ride some serious, big coasters this year leaving their younger brother behind.  They all know how many inches they are.  Isaac reads all the ride signs, and will say "if you are 48 inches tall, you can ride this. For me, it just says SORRY."  It's so funny. Jonathan said Isaac spent the entire day after our visit recounting how tall you had to be for each ride.  The kids had wristbands to make it easier on park employees to indicate how tall they were.  Every time I mentioned that Ira was 48 inches (the minimum height for most rides), he corrected me and said he's actually 49 inches, but his bracelet says 48.  

I have such pretty nieces.

Wyatt is not a fan of amusement parks.  There is an adjacent water park, so he and I opted to get out of the heat and into the wave pool and lazy river.  We spent about 2.5 hours there.  

For my kids I am sharing a little family history about this park.  When Tiffany and I were really little, our cousins (as in Susie's parents) took us to this park.  For some reason my dad did not go.  We returned so thrilled and talked so much about all that we did, my dad took us back.  Thus a family tradition was born.  We started going every year when we visited my grandparents.  We started our day with the same ride a boat ride called  Hanna Barbera land or something to that effect.  You rode through an indoor scene with so much going on, depicting every Hanna Barbera cartoon you can imagine, that you could truly find something new every time you road that ride.  It was always a great way to cool off on a hot day as it was nicely air conditioned. Eventually, they replaced it with Boo Blasters, and we stopped making it our first ride - still a nice air conditioned way to cool off, but the ride is not nearly so amazing.

I remember thinking this was the best place on earth and distinctly remember a conversation with my Dad where he expressed how wonderful Heaven will be, and I asked if it would be better than Kings Island.  I think I was in disbelief at the possibility.

Ultimately, we moved closer, and my parents would buy the family season passes to the park, so that became our family vacation - making several trips there per year.  I think we eventually made Hanna Barbera Land the first ride of the season rather than the first ride of our days there.

Here are some of my memories of doing this park with my parents. 

Ira laughs on even the scariest of rides. Julia used to always laugh too.  I don't ride coasters, so I can't say whether she still does that or not.  Mom always laughed on coasters.  I remember this because one of her friends commented that Mom's laughter made her willing to ride. 

Both Mom and Dad hated heights but were okay with coasters.  Dad, especially, hated the Farris wheel - thought it was the most terrifying ride in the park.

When I ride the Dodge Cars (or bumper cars), I love trying to go after my people and get them.  Dad always tried to see how many times he could get around without being hit or hitting anyone.

Dad kept track of how many rides were ridden, and what the price per ride was on any given day. Austin texted the family GroupMe to say he rode 20 rides yesterday.  I told him that Grandpa would have counted too and then would have divided out the price to know how much he spent on each ride.

Of course not all memories are good ones.  I think my kids already know about the time that I rode the smallest coaster in the park with my younger brother. I was ten years old and had my hands locked on the handle, and my eyes squeezed shut while my mom watched in horror from below as Jonathan tried to climb out of the car at the summit of the first hill.  The lady behind us reached over and yanked him into his seat and held him there.  I was clueless to all of this until I got off the ride. Jonathan would have been two at the time.  That kind of thing would be harder now as the coasters have seatbelt.  I learned that I can ride with little passengers and squeeze my eyes shut if my arms are locked around them.

There are some sweet sibling memories too.  Some of the most priceless pictures ever taken of Jonathan and Tessa were at Kings Island when he held her hand walking through the park and telling her about all the fun they were about to have on the next ride.  They were probably four and two at the time.

We sometimes camped in the adjoining campground.  I don't miss that - okay maybe I miss it a little.

Needless to say, my family has so many memories in this park.  I think I went every summer until I went to college after that first visit.  I intended to pass that tradition along to my kids, but we have not done so.

One thing different about spending the 4th in an amusement park is that not everyone attended.  Logan chose not to go, and we missed Zach and Savannah too (more on them later).  Normally, all of us would gather in the late afternoon or early evening and hang out eating too much until it gets dark enough to do fireworks.  

The fireworks show did not disappoint, but boy we were so tired.

Zach was already scheduled to work his second job when we decided to make this happen, so he could not go.  Savannah was not able to leave her summer internship for this.  It's so different this summer that Wyatt and Julia are the only ones taking summer adventures with us.  I knew this would come but figured that they wouldn't necessarily stop this at the same time.  It is just strange.  The reality though is that Wyatt likely would not have spent the day with us yesterday if Zach and Savannah had gone.  We usually left him with a friend or at home when visiting amusement parks in the past.  I don't know what we would have done on a holiday.

Leaving the park I asked everyone about their favorite part of the day.

Julia loved riding Diamondback.

Wyatt loved the fireworks.

Andy loved riding the White Water Canyon (a raft ride where you are almost guaranteed to get wet) with Ira.  Ira got soaked, but he kept talking about how his hair was "soaking,"  Andy thought it hilarious that Ira kept talking about his wet hair when he was drenched from head to toe.  

That Ira is a fun one.  Really, they all are.

After wearing ourselves out, Julia headed out for camp on five hours of sleep.  Yikes! I told her not to be salty with her sweet friend. She said it's not a problem, they've been friends long enough and are strong enough to be salty around each other and maintain that friendship.  Love that!  In all honesty Julia is not that difficult when she's in a bad mood.  I may be eating those words in a few years -lol

That's all here in this abode.  Hoping that the rest of summer brings more family time and fewer surprise expenses :)

Grateful for the brave who gave and continue to give us the freedom to celebrate independence and so much more. Freedom is never free!