What a Downer

When Zach was ready to start kindergarten, and we were making that difficult decision about where he would attend school, I felt God say to me that if my true goal for my kids was that they follow Christ, then it did not make sense to send them to a school where that would not be the basis of their education.  Don't get me wrong. I know many families who have amazing children following closely after Christ who have grown up in schools where Christ was not the focus.  I, however, have found that our family consistently fails to do the things at home that makes this arrangement work even when we have the best of intentions. 

After bouncing from school to school myself, my goal was to be consistent with their education and try to keep them in one place for as long as possible.  Andy grew up in a very small town and was determined to place our kids in a school that was big enough to support a football team.  Affording the school meant that I could give up any hope of ever being a stay at home mom, but since we were accustomed to paying for daycare, the tuition hit to our budget just meant no break from that expense.  After a couple of years, we applied for and qualified for tuition assistance.  This program allows donors to give money to the school to be dispersed to families that need help paying tuition. As our family expanded, the amount we received in tuition assistance did too.

Today we received the tuition assistance letter for next year and learned that we no longer qualify.  Since Andy has not seen a cost of living raise in nine years and had no raise last year, this was surprising news to say the least.  My raise was better last year but in no way matched what we received in tuition assistance.  I have been so upset since I opened the letter as the difference is about $375.00 a month. I don't see how we can adjust for that.  It is still early as we just got the news today, and maybe we can do some creative financing, but I am so tired of decisions about school.  We were pretty well settled in our choices until Wyatt started school last fall and things went downhill quickly. Then Zach wrestled with a decision for next year, and now I am faced with the possibility of having no choice but to pull somebody out of the school that has been a part of our life and loved by us for nine years. 

It looks like our choice will be to move Julia. She may still be able to get into Wyatt's school.  Zach has been there the longest, and I have never felt like Savannah could thrive anywhere esle (she is the one who said "I refuse" at the age of six when I mentioned that we may have to give up our school to adopt Julia)

Even as I have pondered this surprising turn of events, I am well aware that we are very blessed.  I also know that God may have a plan that I can't see.  He has blessed us with this Christian education for nine years.  Maybe it is time for one more of our kids to be salt and light.  Maybe He has a miracle waiting for us.  Maybe this is discipline for my own sin.  Maybe we need more lessons in sacrifice and should give up more of what we love such as sports for the kids or date nights for Andy and me so that we can demonstrate that we love God more.  While still stunned by this news, I watched Hannah's Story a documentary from Bring Me Hope (http://www.bringmehope.org/), and that is quite a reminder of just how blessed we are. I want everyone I know to see it. Whatever happens, I know the waiting should not be long.  I think we have just a couple of weeks to decide what we will do before we will have to pay some portion of the tuition.  If only my heart wasn't so heavy and I didn't feel so whiny. sigh