Back to Decision Making 101, the Pursuit of Wisdom, and Counting the Cost

Several years ago when we were making a big decision for our family (to adopt or not), Andy and I took three approaches to deciding what to do.  We sought the advice of Christian friends and family members, prayed, and searched the scriptures to make sure that our decision would line up with God's word.  After our dossier went to China, I took a class at church that was all about decision making, and the approach we used very much lined up with the book used for that class. 

We now find ourselves at a crossroads again.  Should we keep Julia in her current school or not? While that decision is still pending, I am going to share some of my thoughts and experiences over the past several days of letting this situation churn in my mind.

I digress here to share something fun.  I am breaking in a new Bible.  I loved my old Bible but have wanted an NIV Life Application Study Bible for years.  My old Bible was an NIV Study Bible with a hard cover.  Genesis fell out a few times and got taped back in.  Then the cover started deteriorating along the spine which I fixed with shipping tape.  Finally, the spine started pulling away from the pages, and when I saw my dream Bible on sale for 50% off, I went for it.  However, I had not budgeted that, and while I can easily spend non-budgeted money on others, I have a very hard time doing that for me.  It was not practical.  I liked my other Bible well enough, and I had some meaningful dates noted in it such as the scripture I marked on the very day my youngest daughter was born unbeknownst to me at the time.  Aside from that a new Bible brings challenges such as it just doesn't open to the book you expect it to when the layout is different, so getting used to it takes time.  Anyway, in very typical style for me, I left my new treasure in the bag with the receipt while I made sure that I was not going to take it back.

About two weeks or so ago, I tenderly pulled out my new Bible and started exploring it.  I found a 365 day reading plan in the back and started using it after going through a morning devotional from a devotional book all about miracles.  Several of the miracles of the last few mornings have consisted of situations where strangers appeared offering assistance or advice.  In my reading this morning, a teenager was at a crossroads and picked up a hitch-hiker needing a ride to work.  The hitch-hiker offered some advice and went on his way.  When the teenager sought out the hitch-hiker at his place of employment, he learned that there was no such employee.  Finishing this reading, I wanted someone to prompt me in what to do about this decision weighing on my heart and mind.  I opened my Bible to read today's reading.

Before I get to my reading, I have to talk about the cost.  Andy and I reviewed our budget and found that if we deplete our emergency fund and if we leave ourselves no wiggle room for emergencies, we can afford to let Julia stay at her current school.  It is a scary plan and costly in other ways too.  We have two children in need of OT, but we cannot afford the out-of-network cost that we would incur with that.  Both struggle with handwriting, so I found a handwriting class run by an OT and hoped to put them through that.  Our plan probably leaves no room for that, and losing our emergency budget means I won't replace our broken closet doors or dining room chairs.  I say this to make the point that we are well aware that our choice brings sacrifice with it. However, I will not lie, we will still leave some room in the budget for fun such as swimming this summer and the vacation for which we have already paid. 

Back to my morning reading...The previous readings since I started this have all been from the Psalms, and I have really enjoyed them.  However, things were switched today when I was directed to the Proverbs... Proverbs chapter 4, to be exact, which is titled "Wisdom is Supreme" in my Bible.  As I read through this chapter, I immediately remembered that wisdom only comes from God's word. We are mistaken when we call someone wise who has only worldly wisdom even if that "wisdom" comes from the highest of academic institutions.  The words that jumped off the page at me were those pertaining to the pursuit of wisdom and the importance of pursuing it.  In verse 7 these words really hit me "though it cost all you have, get understanding."  Of course these words were filtered through my strongest desire about keeping Julia right where she is because I want God's word poured into her during her regular school day.  I want the knowledge she gains to filter through the Biblical lens.  These are the things that made me seek this education for my children in the first place and are still my strongest desires for them.  So, am I seeing these words jump off the page because that is God's word alive and active and relevant for today, or is it my own view placed on God's word?  That is what I must still sort out, but I am not alone.  Andy gets the final say in our decision, and I am trusting that if I missed it this time, my God of second chances will find another way to show me what I need to do.  I am also aware that as much as I love my children, I serve a God who loves them so much more, and He sees the tomorrows that I can't see from here.  He knows the plans He has for them and the gifts He has poured into them for His glory, and as much as I struggle with doing this, I know that I can trust Him.

While this is a good place to end this post, there are a few other things I want to add.  I have had many conversations with Christian friends over the last few days, and they are divided in their opinions on our situation.  However, the two who seemed to feel the strongest both stated that keeping Julia at her current school is worth the cost.  I have had other friends recommend other schools that offer a Christian education at a lower price, and I have researched those options.  The logistics of getting Julia to any of them are impossible without moving Wyatt too, and that puts us right back where we are or in worse financial shape.  I also want to be clear that my heart's desire is that Wyatt will complete his education in a Christian environment.  However, I am quite certain that he is right where he needs to be right now, and there may be something in the works that I can do to bring more of Christ to his school.  So, my mind will keep churning, and I will keep praying for wisdom. We are awaiting word on Julia's application to Wyatt's school.  Whether she gets in or not will also be factored into our decision.  We continue to stand at the crossroads looking for the right direction.