A secret car guy?

The past week has been brutal.  I had little spare time and what little I had was spent working on estate paperwork- particularly in regard to Dad's cars.  Dad's MiniCooper has been the most difficult to address.  Nobody wants it. It's not a practical car - an oddity for a practical man.  I think my dad may have had a secret thing for cars.  He was definitely not the climb-under-the-car or even work-under-the-hood kind of guy.  I do think, however, that he could appreciate a pristine, sports car. I believe that after years of having to have practical cars because he had six kids, Dad decided that, in his last years, when he had the means, he could play a little.  I never really heard him talk about cars over the years. I know his first car was a mustang.

I picked up his Mini on Friday to return it to the dealership. It was a leased vehicle and not only impractical for any of us, it also has this postage-stamp-size back window which I complained about regularly when Dad made me take this car to get him to his doctors' appointments.  I used to tell him that I would drive the car with the least bells and whistles because he always insisted we drive his cars.  He loved bells and whistles, me- not so much. For example,  Dad would tell us about how the mirrors would warn us when other cars got too close when we drove his Flex. 

As you can see, we had some fun taking a few last pictures before surrendering the car.  This served two purposes. 1. I wanted these pictures as another remembrance of my dad. 2. I wanted to document the condition of the car with time-stamps in case we run into any issues with the finance company.

I confess that on the night I picked the car up from Dad's house, the weather was mild, so I drove with the top down.  I might never get to ride in a convertible again in my life, so I wanted to do that. It was not the best experience.  Storms were moving in, so I was riding with lightning and rain threats all around me and finally had to stop and put the top back up.

These pictures are of Dad with his "wives" as he called his prized possessions.

I believe this was his first car, and that is his actual wife leaning on it :)

I thought I would be relieved to get the cars settled, but really it just makes me miss Dad more.  Settling an estate does not leave one time to grieve.  I have suffered loss before, but nothing has been as painful as this. 

One Form Leads to Another

So it goes.  On Friday afternoon in regard to two separate things, I dealt with situations where one form led to another.

One such situation went something like this:
Please email us these two forms.  I ask if they need anything else referenced in the email. The response is negative.  I send the forms. I get an email back stating that my request cannot be processed because I did not include one of two numbers in the email.  Okay.  I send a second email with said number and forms attached again.  I get a response that my forms are not in an acceptable format, so I will need to try again.  Okay.  I try again.

Over the holiday break I went back and forth trying to get a release sent correctly.  Last week I got a letter in the mail stating that the information needed does exist, and you guessed it,  this is the form and the list of documents needed to get to it.

UGH!  UGH!  UGH!

I completed the forms for the second example last night and took them to work because we have a pay copier there.  I was not letting them out of my hands without keeping copies.  I left the sealed, addressed envelope on my desk this afternoon.  UGH!  Fortunately, there really isn't a deadline on them.  Taxes x five are around the corner, so I am just trying to unload paperwork as it comes.

No longer a daughter

Last night I attended Bible study.  The women at my church are doing Kelly Minter's All Things New.  We will explore 2 Corinthians through the course of this study.  We kicked off last week, but instead of diving into Kelly's work this week, we were to read 2 Corinthians.  Two things really struck me in this book.

1.  My group leader mentioned that she read Women of the Word which she attributed to Kelly Minter (I have since learned that Kelly did not actually author that one), and it changed the way she approaches Bible study.  I noted the title, looked it up on Amazon.  I did not purchase it for two reasons; I don't have time to read another book right now, and I can't spend any money right now - dental bill, estate bills, recovering from Christmas -you get the picture. I did, however, read the reviews and one reviewer mentioned three strategies for Bible study are highlighted in this book one of which is to look for what it tells us about God.  I decided that as I read I would do just that.  I read 2 Corinthians with a pad of post-its and a pencil in hand.  I noted every characteristic of God I found in the book.  That was uber cool.  I then prayed them back to Him.  It's amazing how much of God's character is packed into this book and highlighted.  Before I even completed the tenth chapter, Julia asked about what I was doing.  I shared it with her and then read through all those post-it notes aloud.  She was impressed by how much was learned in a few chapters.

2. Paul was writing to a church in a culture much like my own, and Paul was desperately trying to regain his reputation with them.  They had taken the word of "super Apostles" and eloquent speakers who discredited Paul because he was no orator in a time when the respect of public speakers was earned by having a background and training in oration.
In her first video teaching for the book, Kelly asked what we do when we've been hurt by someone or our reputation has been questioned.  Do we try to love them anyway as Paul did, or do we close the door to our hearts to that person, or do we lash out?  I have a relationship in that very state right now, and I have said to more than one person in the last few days that I have no desire for reconciliation.  I knew the answer when she posed the question.  I can forgive which I believe simply means that I do not seek retaliation, but I will protect myself and cut off contact with someone who has wronged me- particularly when I think they will continue to do so.  Ouch.  It remains to be seen whether I will feel convicted to pursue the relationship as Paul did or not.  However, we did acknowledge in our small group that Paul did not go to Corinth.  He did distance himself and wrote to them instead.

During the course of the evening, I was reminded of something else.  You can brace yourself for the occasions when you think you will be grieved most by loss - the anniversaries, holidays, and birthdays.  It's the times when it hits from nowhere that are the hardest; such as when you want to pick up the phone and share that thing, or a comment is made that reminds you, or even someone you haven't seen in a while asks about it.  Last night it was a seemingly innocent statement.  As women do when gathered, someone mentioned the various relationship roles of our lives.  You've heard them.  You are a mother, wife, sister etc.  Last night someone started that list with "daughter."  Immediately, my mind processed the fact that I am no longer a daughter, not a granddaughter either.  I mean I know I am a daughter of God, but this use of daughter was clearly in relation to earthly parents.  I have thought about how I am now among oldest generation in my family.  I have considered how unfair it is that I have a 33 year old brother who does not have parents.  I have nieces and nephews who will not remember my parents.  I've considered these things, but it never crossed my mind until last night that I am no longer anyone's daughter, and that really stings.

It's been a quite a week here.  Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday.  I took off work on Monday to report to court to be named executrix of my dad's estate.  When I submitted the paperwork, I was so frustrated.  I had spent an hour in consultation with an attorney and hours researching the forms needed and completing them.  I was still missing two forms.  It occurred to me that the paperwork to adopt a child (to literally take responsibility for someone's life) is easier than the paperwork to take care of someone's stuff. Of course that's not exactly true.  If you are working with a good adoption agency, they walk you through the completion of every form, and that's what makes it easier.  Nobody does that when you are dealing with an estate unless you hire an attorney.  I had to swear before a judge that I will execute my dad's will to the best of my ability.  That part was not hard.  Dad did everything he knew to do to make this part of losing him as easy as possible, and I want to honor him for all that he did to take care of us. I have sixty days to submit another form. I confirmed while there that I could mail it ...because PARKING!  My attorney friend has told me that this beginning process of settling the estate is the easiest part.

Can I just interject here that when I met Andy, he was planning to pursue law school?  When I met my sister in law she was planning to pursue law school.  A few years ago when I inquired of a friend who is an attorney as to what it would cost to update my will as I really need to change the listed guardian, I decided that clearly I needed to go to law school.  I am kind of regretting at this time that not one of us pursued that course as it would be very handy to have an attorney in the family right now.  By the way my will still needs to be updated, but you can't really nail down a price with an attorney, and what I've heard is more than five times what I originally paid.  I did not get some cheap, unqualified lawyer.  I used the same lawyer as my dad did for his will, and his will is rock solid.

While I was in court, my new library assistant started her job. I had to miss her first day.  Thankfully, she handled it well.  Andy left town on Tuesday and returned today.  More paperwork arrived in the mail today.  I have much to do, and this is the longest stretch of the year in education. I do believe, however, that this Bible study will be good.  It will be very good.

Thoughts?

I don't know. At first I saw a resemblance, now I am not so sure.  The nose for sure, eyes not so much, mouth maybe.

side by side closer inspection - same nose and mouth but the eyes are slightly different as Kallie's turn down on the sides, and that slight difference makes all the difference 

Along the same lines, I posted the picture on the right on FB along with some other pictures Andy found of my college friends and me.  Immediately I got two responses that from friends who saw Savannah in that picture....I have seen a resemblance between us in other pictures but not so much that one.  Here we are side by side.  I still don't really see it.  My chin is sharper, and my eyes are set further back. I concede that we do have the same nose, cheeks (aside from her dimples), and foreheads, but I don't see her when I look at that picture of me.  I sent this picture to Savannah and asked if she thinks we look alike.  Her response: I hope so.  That's really sweet, but Savannah is so much prettier than I ever was.  I was always the ugly duckling among my sisters though people often said I looked like my mom.  Looking like my mom is quite a compliment as she was gorgeous.  I guess that just proves that you can look alike but not have the same level of attractiveness :)

We've made it two weeks into 2017

We've been so busy.  It's hard to believe that all of this has happened in just two weeks.

Andy's mom visited to celebrate Christmas.  I am not sure what happened to the boys when we took this picture.

This is what determination looks like.  Julia wanted a room makeover for Christmas.  When that did not come through, she prepped and repaired her walls herself and then went bargain hunting with the little bit of Christmas money she had.

Plan A consisted of a gray, teal, and coral palette.  The walls have a lot of blue in that gray, and the teal does not look so great next to it.  Julia bought a cheap white comforter to replace her teal comforter and a gray tapestry instead of one that included teal.  She decided that instead of teal being a primary color, she will go with navy.  Her plan is a navy blanket and coral and navy pillows to accent her bed.  She has a hashtag wall hanging that is gold now, but she will spray paint it navy. It's still a work in progress, but it's coming together nicely.  I love the color of her walls and am hoping to paint my bedroom walls with the same color within the next few months.  Getting used to this softer look after the hot pink that Savannah chose ten years ago will take some time.

Too funny not to share - This is what happens when you get out of bed too late to look at anyone else before you get in the car.  Middle school siblings dressed alike for church---so not cool.  #firstworldproblems

Savannah returned to school.  The tree stayed up far too long as  I kept missing opportunities to take a picture of all four kids in front of it.  I never actually enjoyed the tree this year.   I finally snapped this literally moments before walking out the door to return Savannah to campus.  She returned with mixed feelings.  Savannah is excited about her schedule, but she definitely has a challenging and heavy load.  She also returned with heaviness over a few situations.  Her best friend spent Friday night with her, and they had a blast.  Savannah's campus friends hit it off well with E, so I think momentum is moving in the right direction for a positive semester despite the grief and pain she carries.

Julia cheered her last basketball game.

Because it was the last game, Julia brought her Instax camera and took a picture with it for each of the girls to take home.  That's a generous gift given the price of the film.  I get it, but I don't get it.  These cameras are all the rage among these middle school girls, but the quality of the pictures is pretty terrible.  It's kind of funny that they are using cameras that have not been in regular use since their grandparents used them.  For some things the old way is best. I don't think this is one of them.

It took until January 11th to get it, but Julia finally got her big Christmas gift - an automatic curling iron.  The picture does not do justice to the curls she had left on the way home from school after a rainy day, and she did not even use hairspray.  Truly amazing!

Our fun niece Kallie turned the big ONE. She certainly seemed to love her party.

She climbs everything.

Julia loves the little ones, and they love her right back.

Maybe this should be kept in the private, family archives, but you know, if you fall asleep at a party, you just might take some abuse.

I attended a terrific women's conference - so very good for my soul.  If Kelly Minter and her team bring Cultivate your way, go.  I bought my ticket with some reservation because even though I love Kelly Minter, I did not plan to go with a friend or a group.  I just did not feel like getting that together.  The message and worship were terrific, but grief comes in waves, and the grief did overcome me on my way home after the first session.

As I said before, the reminders can be surprising.  Tessa talked bottles with her sister-in-law tonight as her sister-in-law is expecting her first baby.  I remembered that Dad bought Zach's first bottles.  They were a generic set of six bottles that I might not have picked out, but they ended up being my favorites, and Zach, Savannah, and Julia all used them.  My dad would just show up with surprises like that sometimes.  We still have the doll carrier that he left in Savannah's room one time and the doll that he left in my house for Julia when we were in China to adopt her.  I miss him so much, and the grief was renewed this week with the anniversary of my mom's resurrection day.  I am grateful for the parents I had, but the height of love determines the depth of grief, and I am in very deep.

In other news I spent the last two weeks learning much about settling my dad's estate.  I wish I had known weeks ago what I know now as we would be further ahead in the process.  Our delay in doing things that I either did not realize we had to do or thought I needed documents that I don't have yet to get them done could prove to be costly.  I have mixed feelings about choosing an executor of an estate now as Andy and I need to redo our wills. It's a thankless job, and you cannot satisfy everyone no matter how carefully you follow the instructions you have been given to be fair.  I don't wish it on anyone.  Is it not enough to grieve without bureaucracy and legal work to do?  Does legal paperwork really have to be so complex?

Work has been difficult too.  I am faced with the task of interviewing candidates while dealing with a schedule change that seems to be insignificant but has proven to be a pretty big game changer for taking care of my family.

Zach decided to take the semester off of school.  He needs to make up some financial ground and plans to return in the summer.

It's a new year, and I heard something this weekend that went something like this;
Help me to hope when there is no reason to hope.  That's kind of where I am in a lot of moments right now.  In other moments I am able to celebrate the moment.  I can't have any expectation that this will be a good year, but I will seek joy.

Ringing in a new year!

We did not make resolutions.  We simply enjoyed a game night.  We watched the Mariah Carey debacle online after the fact.  We stopped the games long enough to watch the ball drop.

We are hoping for a new year filled with hope and joy.

As for resolutions...I will continue with my resolutions from last year - new flooring in the living room, new furniture would be nice too.  Reality check - we won't be able to afford it, so it's really more a dream than a goal.

I plan to kick start the year with five or six Jazzercise classes the first week and hopefully end the first month with 15-20 classes.  A busy May and a full month of illness in September derailed my 150 classes for 2016.  Hopefully this year will be better.  Andy is toying with the idea of a Y membership so that he can swim and minimize the damage he continues to do to his already messed up knee.  If he does a family membership, I will likely leave Jazzercise.  It's been good for me, but we cannot afford memberships at two gyms.  

I will start the year with a conference for women.  I hope to dig back into a really good Bible study that got pushed aside the last couple of months of 2016.  

May God bless us every one in 2017!

Happy New Year from this growing crew!!!

2016 recap

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.  Job 1:21

Looking back on 2016 reminds me that we saw many blessings this year.  It's easy to remember it as a difficult year especially when it ends painfully, but there was much beauty in this year.

The year started with a formal, school dance, and Savannah looked more beautiful than I had ever seen her.  Her date was a perfect gentleman.

January also brought us a new niece/cousin.  Her personality indicates that she will be a fun and adventurous girl, always wearing a smile.  Right now she climbs everything, and it's driving her mom crazy, but that climbing will turn into a girl who will take risks -hopefully, good ones.

 February brought scholarship news.  Savannah received full tuition to her first-choice school.

We checked some local bucket list items with a hike in the spring.

Andy returned to regular running and completed a mini-marathon in the rain.  His biggest cheer-leader awoke early to do her job.

Prom followed soon after.  Savannah attended with another perfect gentleman.  She truly has wonderful friends.

Graduation with high honors.

 We enjoyed our first vacation in a couple of years, and it was so nice.

 We even got some okay family pictures.

Julia's swim team reinstated themselves as champs, and she enjoyed diving as well.

 We brought the original four cousins together (along with Julia) for a day of coaster riding.

 Some of the little cousins showed up too and proved to be coaster loving kids themselves.

We spent a wonderful weekend on a lake with great and generous friends.  I turned forty-something while there. 

 We checked off another bucket list item when we took Zach to see a cheetah run.

Zach helped his little sister move into the dorm and start campus life.

 Zach turned 21 -must. stop. blinking.

 Another hike...

 Painful loss.  I miss my dad so much, but there is blessing even in this.  I am grateful that he died in his sleep.  I remember the minister saying at my great-aunt's funeral that there is no time when we are asleep.  She went to sleep and awoke in Heaven.  Dad liked that and did the same thing.

We saw our favorite high school team win the state football championship.  Zach and his classmates were seniors when this years' crop of seniors were freshmen.  They liked this class and were so proud of them.  It was fun to watch them cheer for that team like a bunch of proud papas.

We started as colleagues and became friends.  My closest partner at work retired in December, and I will go back to a very lonely place with double the responsibility, but these kids are terrific and will help me greatly.  I love these people all so much.

Wyatt turned fourteen - again - must. stop. blinking.

December also put Zach into a new position as he finally quit his job at a sandwich shop and started working for UPS. Hopefully, UPS will cover his tuition going forward, and it is better money with a schedule that suits him.

The girls and I took a road trip to enjoy some Christmas lights and a fun city.  I had hoped to do a weekend there with Andy as he was planning to take me somewhere for my birthday, but that never worked out.  I almost cancelled my plan to do this when Dad died, but I think this year was a YOLO year.  I tried to return to experiencing things, and while it has been tampered with a bit less wonder over it all, it helps to look back and see what we enjoyed.

Other notable 2016 moments include:

• Watching the summer Olympics held in Rio.  Priceless moments: Simone Manuel's first gold win---loved, loved, loved her reaction, and Aly Raisman's reaction to taking the silver in the all around.  The Olympics brought great stories, great sportsmanship, some national embarrassment (Ryan Locthe), and some amazing feats (most decorated Olympian of all time - Michael Phelps).  The Olympics also wore me out.  I stayed up way too late to watch.
• I saw a substantial pay cut and prayed continually that even with the cut, we would thrive rather than just survive.  God has been faithful so far in that regard, but I have a lot of months left at lower pay before my pay is returned to normal.  I must remind myself that God is faithful.
• A football game between middle school teams where the teams worked together to love on a player who had just lost his mom that week.  It was a reminder that sports are important.  They teach community, respect, work ethic, and how to handle success and failure.  
• We also saw the Cubs win the World Series. I don't follow baseball, but that's still so cool to see that losing streak (or curse) end for a team so rich in tradition.  We also saw an unlikely candidate win the presidential election.  Jesus is coming back, Y'all!!!
• We saw an amazing amount of loss in talent in 2016 with so many celebrity deaths.  Prince, George Michael, David Bowie, Carrie Fischer -immediately followed by Debbie Reynolds, and so many more. I can't even make it through the whole list on the news sites that are sharing them now.  What a year!

I hope that 2017 brings great blessings, and I admit that I enter it with some apprehension.  It is good to remember that 2016 was not all bad. In fact, it was a lot of good.