No longer a daughter

Last night I attended Bible study.  The women at my church are doing Kelly Minter's All Things New.  We will explore 2 Corinthians through the course of this study.  We kicked off last week, but instead of diving into Kelly's work this week, we were to read 2 Corinthians.  Two things really struck me in this book.

1.  My group leader mentioned that she read Women of the Word which she attributed to Kelly Minter (I have since learned that Kelly did not actually author that one), and it changed the way she approaches Bible study.  I noted the title, looked it up on Amazon.  I did not purchase it for two reasons; I don't have time to read another book right now, and I can't spend any money right now - dental bill, estate bills, recovering from Christmas -you get the picture. I did, however, read the reviews and one reviewer mentioned three strategies for Bible study are highlighted in this book one of which is to look for what it tells us about God.  I decided that as I read I would do just that.  I read 2 Corinthians with a pad of post-its and a pencil in hand.  I noted every characteristic of God I found in the book.  That was uber cool.  I then prayed them back to Him.  It's amazing how much of God's character is packed into this book and highlighted.  Before I even completed the tenth chapter, Julia asked about what I was doing.  I shared it with her and then read through all those post-it notes aloud.  She was impressed by how much was learned in a few chapters.

2. Paul was writing to a church in a culture much like my own, and Paul was desperately trying to regain his reputation with them.  They had taken the word of "super Apostles" and eloquent speakers who discredited Paul because he was no orator in a time when the respect of public speakers was earned by having a background and training in oration.
In her first video teaching for the book, Kelly asked what we do when we've been hurt by someone or our reputation has been questioned.  Do we try to love them anyway as Paul did, or do we close the door to our hearts to that person, or do we lash out?  I have a relationship in that very state right now, and I have said to more than one person in the last few days that I have no desire for reconciliation.  I knew the answer when she posed the question.  I can forgive which I believe simply means that I do not seek retaliation, but I will protect myself and cut off contact with someone who has wronged me- particularly when I think they will continue to do so.  Ouch.  It remains to be seen whether I will feel convicted to pursue the relationship as Paul did or not.  However, we did acknowledge in our small group that Paul did not go to Corinth.  He did distance himself and wrote to them instead.

During the course of the evening, I was reminded of something else.  You can brace yourself for the occasions when you think you will be grieved most by loss - the anniversaries, holidays, and birthdays.  It's the times when it hits from nowhere that are the hardest; such as when you want to pick up the phone and share that thing, or a comment is made that reminds you, or even someone you haven't seen in a while asks about it.  Last night it was a seemingly innocent statement.  As women do when gathered, someone mentioned the various relationship roles of our lives.  You've heard them.  You are a mother, wife, sister etc.  Last night someone started that list with "daughter."  Immediately, my mind processed the fact that I am no longer a daughter, not a granddaughter either.  I mean I know I am a daughter of God, but this use of daughter was clearly in relation to earthly parents.  I have thought about how I am now among oldest generation in my family.  I have considered how unfair it is that I have a 33 year old brother who does not have parents.  I have nieces and nephews who will not remember my parents.  I've considered these things, but it never crossed my mind until last night that I am no longer anyone's daughter, and that really stings.

It's been a quite a week here.  Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday.  I took off work on Monday to report to court to be named executrix of my dad's estate.  When I submitted the paperwork, I was so frustrated.  I had spent an hour in consultation with an attorney and hours researching the forms needed and completing them.  I was still missing two forms.  It occurred to me that the paperwork to adopt a child (to literally take responsibility for someone's life) is easier than the paperwork to take care of someone's stuff. Of course that's not exactly true.  If you are working with a good adoption agency, they walk you through the completion of every form, and that's what makes it easier.  Nobody does that when you are dealing with an estate unless you hire an attorney.  I had to swear before a judge that I will execute my dad's will to the best of my ability.  That part was not hard.  Dad did everything he knew to do to make this part of losing him as easy as possible, and I want to honor him for all that he did to take care of us. I have sixty days to submit another form. I confirmed while there that I could mail it ...because PARKING!  My attorney friend has told me that this beginning process of settling the estate is the easiest part.

Can I just interject here that when I met Andy, he was planning to pursue law school?  When I met my sister in law she was planning to pursue law school.  A few years ago when I inquired of a friend who is an attorney as to what it would cost to update my will as I really need to change the listed guardian, I decided that clearly I needed to go to law school.  I am kind of regretting at this time that not one of us pursued that course as it would be very handy to have an attorney in the family right now.  By the way my will still needs to be updated, but you can't really nail down a price with an attorney, and what I've heard is more than five times what I originally paid.  I did not get some cheap, unqualified lawyer.  I used the same lawyer as my dad did for his will, and his will is rock solid.

While I was in court, my new library assistant started her job. I had to miss her first day.  Thankfully, she handled it well.  Andy left town on Tuesday and returned today.  More paperwork arrived in the mail today.  I have much to do, and this is the longest stretch of the year in education. I do believe, however, that this Bible study will be good.  It will be very good.