Honoring dads

My dad loves his ten grandchildren.

He's generous with his six children and their spouses and children.  He's also quite funny and loved very much.

From the moment Andy walked into fatherhood in the delivery room with Zachary, he has loved his children well.  He knows them, protects them, provides for them, coaches, teaches and leads them.  He takes their personalities into account.

Savannah and Andy have been known to do calculus together just for fun.  What?!  They both enjoy art and are incredibly smart.  She's a daddy's girl.

Andy has spent countless hours volunteering in a variety of roles to support Zach's passion for football.  Admittedly, Andy shares that passion.  When Zach runs short on cash or desires his favorite meal which includes grilled salmon, Andy delivers.

Julia challenges Andy to races in the pool.  She's competitive, and he supports her athletic endeavors. He admitted to cheating last night so that he could beat her in a free style race in the pool.  She's another daddy's girl.

This is an older picture of Andy and Wyatt, but it's a classic.  When Wyatt took a dip in the pond and did not realize he could stand in it, Andy had to go in after him.  Wyatt once called Andy his hero, and when Wyatt needs encouragement, Andy is usually game for a trip to Smashburger or an Asian restaurant for a little comfort food.

A little side note regarding Andy's new role at work---he's discouraged, and we are still adjusting to the difference in family life.  Just before starting this post, I was searching the web for affordable bed sheets.  We are on opposite schedules, and I only have one set of sheets for each of the beds in this house, so I usually pull them all at once to wash.  I cannot find a time to wash the sheets in the master bedroom now, so that's just another expense and adjustment that comes with this new schedule.  It's amazing how the little things differ and pile up.  We are still not sure what we will do about church.  I think we will eventually switch to another service, or Andy will stop attending.  We can't switch the kids, so they will likely go at a different time from us.  It's just more work all the way around.  Andy has longer hours, and he's exhausted.  He's not new to this schedule.  He worked it more than a decade ago, and it took a big toll on his health.  After two weeks we are already seeing some of that return.  I expected it.  He's not as young as he was the last time he worked this schedule and has admitted that he's not sure he can sustain this, but he's stuck.  So life is not all peaches and cream, but  we've never been promised that it would always be good.

Happy Father's Day to two great dads!  I realize that this day is not a celebratory one for many.  Even as I type this, I know that there are men who long to be fathers, children who are fatherless, and families in Charleston, South Carolina who are facing terrible and raw grief over a senseless crime. It's great to honor dads, but for those who cannot celebrate today for whatever reason, you are not forgotten, and my hope is that you can find joy today.

New Looks

Julia has spent the last three weeks adjusting to contacts, and Wyatt has had new glasses for a full week now.  We are getting used to Julia's new look, and despite Wyatt's initial amazement over how well he could see, we've only seen him in glasses for two days.  I have to say that Julia really made over him stating how adorable he looks in his glasses when he came home with them.  You never know what she will say as she has very little filter, so coming from her, that's high praise.  We made the contacts official today when we visited her ophthalmologist for the follow up and placed the order for a one year supply of contacts.  Once again, I was impressed with our insurance as I went in expecting to pay $130 more than I ended up paying.

Both attended camp over the last two weeks.  Julia loved her first experience with middle school camp, and Wyatt came home without a voice because he screamed so much.  I am glad they had such a great time.  One more week until we get Savannah back home.  She's been having a love/hate relationship with her time on a college campus.  We've had some concerns over the things to which she has been exposed, but overall it appears to be a good experience.  I am anxious to hear all about it beyond our limited text conversations.  We have quite a drive home next weekend to get all the details if she/we can stay awake for them.  The driver will stay awake.  I just can't guarantee that the rest of the vehicle occupants will ;)

Finally Summer and Gotcha X 2

Yesterday I walked out of my school for the last time until early August.  As any slightly OCD person will do, my mind has been filled with tasks at hand and replaying whether or not I locked everything, unplugged everything that needed unplugging and turned everything else off.  I left feeling overwhelmed.  I still have to withdraw Julia from one school and let that cheer coach know that she will not be a part of the team.  She has a friend wanting to get together today, and I am open to that, but my house is not sleepover ready, so she will be heading to this friend's house when we really owe them the hospitality.  I paid bills this morning and started laundry with much more laundry arriving from camp with Wyatt this afternoon.  I really want to catch up, really, but I want to have a little fun too.  I have yet to figure out Father's Day for Andy, and with Savannah away, I may delay that celebration a couple of weeks to include her.

So this is what our week has looked like:

On June 7th, we celebrated our 10th Gotcha day with Julia.  She spent the day away from home, so our celebration actually consisted of ice cream from the Dollar Tree freezer on Sunday.  I stopped giving the kids their gotcha day gifts and should really get back into that habit.

Since she started wearing contacts, she thinks she needs make-up to make up for not having glasses on her face.  She has no idea how cute she is and how unnecessary make-up is for her.  I put my foot down with a firm "no" on that one, but she does push it.  I took the picture above when I returned from work one day, and she walked past me in the kitchen causing me to do a double take - yes, she was fully made up, and I may bend a bit on this if she will work on a natural look. You can't tell it in the picture, but that was not a natural look.

Julia had her school choice, and she chose the school with the less gifted cheer team. When I asked about that, I loved her response, "I love cheerleading, but it's not my life."  

She spent her birthday money on a gymnastics mat and is now practicing aerials and back tucks in my living room - it's a little scary, but she almost has them both.

Julia still fills my phone with selfies.  This is a stoplight selfie she took with me.  She's been home this week while Wyatt is away at camp, Savannah is away at school, and Zach is working, so she and I have had lots of laughs.  Julia still has the best laugh in the world. If it doesn't make you laugh, you might need to seek professional help and medication.

Swim team started the season with a win.  Wyatt looks really good in the pool and still loves the breast stroke.  He's not as successful as a swimmer as Julia, but he has no idea how proud I am of him.  He had never been swimming before when we adopted him.  He was 5 and a half and terrified of water.  He worked so hard to conquer that fear, and he fell in love with the water.  I see improvement every season in the pool for him.  

Julia took third place in the free and butterfly in her first meet of the season after two weeks of very inconsistent practices because of cheerleading.  She landed behind two girls who swim year-round in the free.  This girl is super strong and athletic.  What can I say?

Watching her free relay team was like watching American Pharaoh take the Belmont.  Really, there was no question on that finish.

Wyatt went to camp on his 7th Gotcha Day.  I pick him up today and am anxious to hear all about it.  I hope he had an amazing experience.

Savannah texts me almost daily.  She loves college life half the time and hates it the other.  She's normal!  I have a feeling that saying goodbye will be hard for her when I pick her up in two weeks.

Encouragement for today

As I mentioned in a previous post, I often pray for encouragement on any given day. While I did not specifically pray that today, God sure delivered.  Wyatt had an eye exam, and while I was disappointed to hear that his eyes are much worse, his new glasses and the exam where completely covered by insurance.  That's about $500 saved.  I went into that appointment hoping he would not even need new glasses and that I would not even have to spend $30, so the grand total of $0 was huge relief.

Several days ago I was encouraged in a different way.  During the race to get Julia to school for her fifth grade celebration, I failed to correctly snap my bracelet.  I did not realize my mistake until getting ready to exercise that afternoon when I removed my bracelet and realized that half of my double happiness charm was missing.  A few days later Julia wore the bracelet to school to ask if anyone had seen the missing half of my charm.  I had been to so many places that day that I finally figured it was lost for good.  Earlier this week I was leaving work and noticed the missing charm in a cup holder in the van.  I was very surprised as I am sure I checked the van pretty thoroughly.  I found that one to be another smile from God.

Happy Birthday Julia!

She's 11 today!  This week she attended her first major concert and started wearing contacts.  It looks like this will be a big year for this girl.  This also marks a decade of parenting Julia.

This is my absolute favorite niece. She's amazing!😇

Julia posted the picture above on my sister's Facebook page, and she came up with the caption herself.  She still makes us laugh.  It is good to laugh.

Life's Like That

14 years ago I walked my first kindergartner onto a tiny elementary campus for the first time.  The campus consisted of several portables and one small main building.  It was in disrepair, but we soon learned that the small classes and automatic family formed at this special place was bigger than a pretty building.  Over the years since we started, the school was renovated, and the technology was updated.  The student count dropped and made it even smaller.  Julia joined the campus as a preschooler eight years ago.  Last week we walked our last fifth grader out the door for the last time carrying a lot of precious, and some not so precious, memories with us.  

Fifth graders prepared for their manners luncheon - so thankful for a place that still thinks manners are important.

fifth grade celebration - even the boys clean up alright, don't ya think?

a little trivia - the kiddos on each end of this group share a birthday

We ended the year in limbo.  As we headed in for the last chapel on Friday, Andy and I had a secret that we were wrestling with.  Julia was spending her evenings trying out for the competitive cheer leading team for her new middle school.  We were running around so much that I could hardly catch my breath.  Even as Julia headed into the final tryouts and made a team that is truly amazing, Andy and I knew that an offer was on the table that would enable her to stay at the school that was a second home to her -albeit on the big campus this time.  We were wrestling with whether we could accept the offer, whether our pride held us back, whether it was fair to the new friends she was already meeting at cheer leading tryouts.  Even as I type this a few days later, we have a decision, but we are in limbo because we do not know if she can regain a spot at her old school, so she is spending this week trying out for another cheer leading team, and we have no idea where this will go.

The final chapel on this little campus started the waterworks.  Before children, I was pretty stoic, but Friday I was a mess - crying the gut-wrenching ugly cry that I had to work hard to keep from turning into those hiccupy (I do know that hiccupy is not actually a word) sobs.  

I thought it would be harder to leave the after-party.  We had to leave early to get Julia to her tryouts.  She was nervous, and before learning how the tryouts were handled, I could not give her the odds.  I had no idea how many cheerleaders were returning, nor whether politics would play into decisions made.  I knew she had the skills, but I could not account for those types of things.  Julia expressed that she would be very disappointed to miss her fifth grade party and not make the team.  Leaving the party was easier than expected because we had to rush out of there.

I had to be away from home briefly after her tryouts, and she met me at the door anxious to show me the posting on the web that revealed she had a spot.  She was thrilled!

One of the few teachers who taught all four of them and has been on campus since Zach started there in kindergarten.

We continued through the weekend wrestling with the choices ahead of us and so busy we could hardly talk it out.  On Saturday when I revealed that I had prayed specifically for this outcome, Andy realized that this might be an answer to prayer.  He sought the council of a wise teacher and friend, and we decided to accept the offer.  I then wrestled with the hard peace I had finally made over Julia leaving her school and whether it was okay to turn back.

...and we were so busy

Andy's mom was unable to make it to Savannah's birthday party, so she brought her gift to Julia's celebration.  This is a mat cutter, and Savannah is happy but maybe not as happy as I am since you might recall from a previous post that I have two oil paintings done by Savannah that I am anxious to frame.

After our crazy busy week last week, we never caught our breath before walking right into another one.  Savannah leaves for a college campus very early this Saturday morning.  She will spend three weeks there, and we are not allowed to visit.  She may only use her cell phone after curfew, so we had to celebrate Julia's birthday this weekend.  We spent Saturday cleaning and making fudge (Julia's favorite dessert).  We welcomed the family into our home on Sunday mere minutes after the tables on Julia's education had officially been turned and just an hour or so after she found out for the first time what was up.

We missed Jonathan and Danielle, but their whole crew was sick.  

We celebrated our girl after a grueling weekend that also included...

a missed award ceremony.  Zach and Savannah witnessed Wyatt's Friday morning award ceremony where he received the Caleb award for diligence and perseverance.  I am so very proud of him!  He also received a history award for Outstanding Achievement.

Then we jumped into another busy week that includes a concert that was Julia's birthday gift and chaperoning a party for Savannah and her friends to send her and K off to the college campus - all on weeknights followed by very early alarms for work.

It has been brought to my attention in a couple of places lately that social media presents a picture of life that is usually pretty rosy in comparison to the real thing.  I admit that I am not so transparent about the messiness and discouragement that comes with life.  Let's be real for a moment.  We have struggles in this house that I cannot fairly share online.  Even though this is the family scrapbook, I have to be careful not to reveal anything about my children that they will one day have to live down, so I stick with the highs mostly, and when we have the lows, I often share them with a little bit of glossing over.  After an emotionally wrenching and busy week, we headed into more of the same this week, and on Monday Andy dropped a bomb on us.

I knew when he sat down next to me after work that something was up.  He started by sharing that he would no longer be called into work under the worst of weather conditions to work contingencies. "You don't seem happy about this, what's up?" - I asked.

Andy is being transferred, and this transfer sets his career back to where we were ten years ago.  It totally alters family life, and I have never forgotten the years we spent like this.  It seems like all we did was work, and when we weren't working we were in a fog- especially Andy.

In one sentence I knew...

he won't make it to a single swim meet this summer

he won't be able to have lunch with our community group any more

I will spend my days trying to figure out how to keep a noisy house quiet so that he can rest

he will have to take off work to see Savannah graduate next spring and will likely miss her baccalaureate

we will have to fight for time alone together, and it will be in very short supply

if we could afford to get away, he will sleep the entire first day if not longer

family life is changed

this is not temporary.  He will likely spend the rest of his career in this spot.

Lest you think I am overly dramatic, I had other thoughts...

at least he's still here.  My best friend and one of my sisters are both widows.  They still grieve that awful loss.  They are strong women standing on their own raising their kids as best they can, but they are tired and weary and will tell you that they will never again know happiness like they once had.

at least he's not deployed.

at least he's not working in a city 12 hours from home like the husband of a friend of mine.

Zach constantly gets on me because when he struggles, I often point out how it could be worse.  That's how I cope.

So, this post is as real as I get on social media.  I have not had time to catch my breath in two weeks much less time to process this and grieve.  This much I know, I am mostly weary.  I keep thinking we will catch our breath, that something will get easier, but the hits keep coming.  Over the last several weeks, I have found that I frequently pray for one encouragement, just one on any given day, and I am grateful, so grateful that God delivers.

In my life I tried to hold on to a few things aside from the basics of living: family pictures, Christian education for the kids, and an annual family vacation.  One by one these things have been stripped away, and we are barely hanging on to what we still have left.  We have been in this rut for six years, and every new year for a while I thought this will be the one.  This will be our turning point, our banner year.  Last year I decided that I have to accept that this is what we've got, and my kids may be grown before it gets better, or maybe this is as good as it gets.  Somehow I have to let go of the broken dreams and accept that they may never be realized.  Even so, we have it pretty good.

In addition to Andy's news, we have mounting medical bills with three children dealing with ongoing medicine and doctor's visits.  Worse than the bills is the suffering. We are just ready for some relief.

Life's like that.