stepping onto my soapbox

In January unexpected news rocked my world. After lots of tests and waiting and an incorrect diagnosis, my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. A walnut sized tumor resides on her pancreas, and she also sports a hot spot on her liver. If chemo goes well, she may have surgery that will greatly increase her survival odds. We are praying for chemo to go well. This diagnosis shocked and devastated me. Pancreatic cancer is not unfamiliar to me. A dear friend lost her mother to it when we were seniors in college, and a colleague lost her sister to it last year. I am well aware that this is a grim diagnosis. However, I have been incredibly shocked by the responses of friends. I thought I was being overly sensitive, but when I finally shared some of these comments with my Bible study group and saw their jaws drop, I realized that I may not have over-reacted. These are some of the daggers that have pierced my heart over the last few weeks:

• You aren't getting your hopes up about that surgery, are you? If you read about it online, you will see that doctors are reluctant to do it because most people die before they recover. (Yep, online medical research is always top notch).
• If your mom isn't reacting to the chemo, then it isn't working. (I missed the announcement that you got a medical degree.)
• I will pray that your mom goes quickly without much suffering. (Thanks, but do you mind praying along with me for a miracle?)

The common thread that I found in the comments was - have you given up hope? -because you should do that now.
These are just a few examples of comments said to me. I didn't think I had my hopes up, but each time I faced one of these daggers, it stung until the sweet, renewed mercies of God came in the morning. Now, they just make me mad. I can't pretend that I have never said the wrong thing. Nor can I pretend that my words have never hurt anyone. If I have hurt you by saying the wrong thing, I am sorry. I am learning so much right now. However, I do not recall ever saying anything like the things listed above. I will say that when you care about someone on a tough journey, you can encourage them. I would rather hear:

• I am sorry.
• I know this is tough.
• I am praying for you.
• How can I help, or how can I pray?

Many of my friends have said these very things, and I am so grateful for their encouragement.
My mom is walking this journey in peace. She knows to Whom she belongs, and she is fighting for her life because life is worth the fight. She also knows; as Billy Graham said after our nation was rocked by terrorist attacks in 2001, those who have gone to Heaven would not come back to this world for anything.
As for me I am not walking around with swollen and red eyes. I am not ripping my clothes and missing work to wallow in grief. My mom is still alive, and I am still praying for a miracle from the one Who can heal her. I am not taking a pill to get through the day. I think this may be the reason for these statements. I think I have friends who think I must not get it. I get it alright! My response to the daggers may not be the best one, but it is already building. I am completing the steel walls that will protect my heart. If you ask for an update on my mom, you will get the facts and nothing more. I no longer mention this road I am on to people who don't already know. I have already seen the danger in that. I will lean in to God and family on this journey.
I am now stepping off of my soapbox.