Life's Like That

14 years ago I walked my first kindergartner onto a tiny elementary campus for the first time.  The campus consisted of several portables and one small main building.  It was in disrepair, but we soon learned that the small classes and automatic family formed at this special place was bigger than a pretty building.  Over the years since we started, the school was renovated, and the technology was updated.  The student count dropped and made it even smaller.  Julia joined the campus as a preschooler eight years ago.  Last week we walked our last fifth grader out the door for the last time carrying a lot of precious, and some not so precious, memories with us.  

Fifth graders prepared for their manners luncheon - so thankful for a place that still thinks manners are important.

fifth grade celebration - even the boys clean up alright, don't ya think?

a little trivia - the kiddos on each end of this group share a birthday

We ended the year in limbo.  As we headed in for the last chapel on Friday, Andy and I had a secret that we were wrestling with.  Julia was spending her evenings trying out for the competitive cheer leading team for her new middle school.  We were running around so much that I could hardly catch my breath.  Even as Julia headed into the final tryouts and made a team that is truly amazing, Andy and I knew that an offer was on the table that would enable her to stay at the school that was a second home to her -albeit on the big campus this time.  We were wrestling with whether we could accept the offer, whether our pride held us back, whether it was fair to the new friends she was already meeting at cheer leading tryouts.  Even as I type this a few days later, we have a decision, but we are in limbo because we do not know if she can regain a spot at her old school, so she is spending this week trying out for another cheer leading team, and we have no idea where this will go.

The final chapel on this little campus started the waterworks.  Before children, I was pretty stoic, but Friday I was a mess - crying the gut-wrenching ugly cry that I had to work hard to keep from turning into those hiccupy (I do know that hiccupy is not actually a word) sobs.  

I thought it would be harder to leave the after-party.  We had to leave early to get Julia to her tryouts.  She was nervous, and before learning how the tryouts were handled, I could not give her the odds.  I had no idea how many cheerleaders were returning, nor whether politics would play into decisions made.  I knew she had the skills, but I could not account for those types of things.  Julia expressed that she would be very disappointed to miss her fifth grade party and not make the team.  Leaving the party was easier than expected because we had to rush out of there.

I had to be away from home briefly after her tryouts, and she met me at the door anxious to show me the posting on the web that revealed she had a spot.  She was thrilled!

One of the few teachers who taught all four of them and has been on campus since Zach started there in kindergarten.

We continued through the weekend wrestling with the choices ahead of us and so busy we could hardly talk it out.  On Saturday when I revealed that I had prayed specifically for this outcome, Andy realized that this might be an answer to prayer.  He sought the council of a wise teacher and friend, and we decided to accept the offer.  I then wrestled with the hard peace I had finally made over Julia leaving her school and whether it was okay to turn back.

...and we were so busy

Andy's mom was unable to make it to Savannah's birthday party, so she brought her gift to Julia's celebration.  This is a mat cutter, and Savannah is happy but maybe not as happy as I am since you might recall from a previous post that I have two oil paintings done by Savannah that I am anxious to frame.

After our crazy busy week last week, we never caught our breath before walking right into another one.  Savannah leaves for a college campus very early this Saturday morning.  She will spend three weeks there, and we are not allowed to visit.  She may only use her cell phone after curfew, so we had to celebrate Julia's birthday this weekend.  We spent Saturday cleaning and making fudge (Julia's favorite dessert).  We welcomed the family into our home on Sunday mere minutes after the tables on Julia's education had officially been turned and just an hour or so after she found out for the first time what was up.

We missed Jonathan and Danielle, but their whole crew was sick.  

We celebrated our girl after a grueling weekend that also included...

a missed award ceremony.  Zach and Savannah witnessed Wyatt's Friday morning award ceremony where he received the Caleb award for diligence and perseverance.  I am so very proud of him!  He also received a history award for Outstanding Achievement.

Then we jumped into another busy week that includes a concert that was Julia's birthday gift and chaperoning a party for Savannah and her friends to send her and K off to the college campus - all on weeknights followed by very early alarms for work.

It has been brought to my attention in a couple of places lately that social media presents a picture of life that is usually pretty rosy in comparison to the real thing.  I admit that I am not so transparent about the messiness and discouragement that comes with life.  Let's be real for a moment.  We have struggles in this house that I cannot fairly share online.  Even though this is the family scrapbook, I have to be careful not to reveal anything about my children that they will one day have to live down, so I stick with the highs mostly, and when we have the lows, I often share them with a little bit of glossing over.  After an emotionally wrenching and busy week, we headed into more of the same this week, and on Monday Andy dropped a bomb on us.

I knew when he sat down next to me after work that something was up.  He started by sharing that he would no longer be called into work under the worst of weather conditions to work contingencies. "You don't seem happy about this, what's up?" - I asked.

Andy is being transferred, and this transfer sets his career back to where we were ten years ago.  It totally alters family life, and I have never forgotten the years we spent like this.  It seems like all we did was work, and when we weren't working we were in a fog- especially Andy.

In one sentence I knew...

he won't make it to a single swim meet this summer

he won't be able to have lunch with our community group any more

I will spend my days trying to figure out how to keep a noisy house quiet so that he can rest

he will have to take off work to see Savannah graduate next spring and will likely miss her baccalaureate

we will have to fight for time alone together, and it will be in very short supply

if we could afford to get away, he will sleep the entire first day if not longer

family life is changed

this is not temporary.  He will likely spend the rest of his career in this spot.

Lest you think I am overly dramatic, I had other thoughts...

at least he's still here.  My best friend and one of my sisters are both widows.  They still grieve that awful loss.  They are strong women standing on their own raising their kids as best they can, but they are tired and weary and will tell you that they will never again know happiness like they once had.

at least he's not deployed.

at least he's not working in a city 12 hours from home like the husband of a friend of mine.

Zach constantly gets on me because when he struggles, I often point out how it could be worse.  That's how I cope.

So, this post is as real as I get on social media.  I have not had time to catch my breath in two weeks much less time to process this and grieve.  This much I know, I am mostly weary.  I keep thinking we will catch our breath, that something will get easier, but the hits keep coming.  Over the last several weeks, I have found that I frequently pray for one encouragement, just one on any given day, and I am grateful, so grateful that God delivers.

In my life I tried to hold on to a few things aside from the basics of living: family pictures, Christian education for the kids, and an annual family vacation.  One by one these things have been stripped away, and we are barely hanging on to what we still have left.  We have been in this rut for six years, and every new year for a while I thought this will be the one.  This will be our turning point, our banner year.  Last year I decided that I have to accept that this is what we've got, and my kids may be grown before it gets better, or maybe this is as good as it gets.  Somehow I have to let go of the broken dreams and accept that they may never be realized.  Even so, we have it pretty good.

In addition to Andy's news, we have mounting medical bills with three children dealing with ongoing medicine and doctor's visits.  Worse than the bills is the suffering. We are just ready for some relief.

Life's like that.

Oil on Canvas - Savannah style

These are the two pieces Savannah brought home today that I want to hang on my dining room wall.  Now I am even more motivated to get that painting done.  This week is crazy busy.  I had hoped to do paint by this weekend as we will be having family over for Julia's birthday, but that's not happening.

I love teapots and have mentioned here before that if I had a place to display them and the money to collect them, I would.

This photo does not even do this painting justice.  The texture is amazing.  I hate to put it behind glass for that reason, but I feel I must do that to protect it.

Savannah really enjoyed working with oil painting.  Hopefully, she will revisit that some day.

Elementary School is moving behind us

Julia's fifth grade celebration took place today.  As I pulled these pictures, I must admit that I am disappointed in myself for not taking more.  Julia leaves this campus as a lifer.  She started there at two years old and admitted today that she's very sad to leave her friends.  They will move on to the big campus, but she is switching schools.

The celebration was nice.  I loved the class video.  I can't imagine how many hours went into that.   We celebrated her class and then had lunch at the California Pizza Kitchen. It was a great time with her friends and mine.  I had hoped my other two lifers (Zach and Savannah) would be able to make the ceremony, but Savannah's award ceremony took place at the same time, and Zach returned home from school sick, so he scheduled a doctor's appointment at the same time.

No tears from me today.  I cried lots on Tuesday last week when I withdrew Julia from school.  In fact I cried so much that I did not call the school to withdraw her because I knew I would be unable to speak.  I sent an email instead.  This is painful, and we got here so fast.  Really?  Shouldn't I be dropping her off at preschool instead of preparing to send her to middle school?

Julia wrote us a letter thanking us for her years at Rock Creek.  She reminded us that she made lots of friends and worked under supportive teachers.  She has lots of memories, and thanked us for waking her and getting her to school and to her activities.  We leave behind a precious campus at the end of this week.

Today also ended Savannah's junior year.  The AP tests she took a few weeks ago count for finals in her AP classes, and she was exempt from her other finals. Savannah only attended school today to pick up her artwork and return school materials.  She was recognized at her award ceremony for being awarded a spot in the summer program she will attend in a few weeks and for making National Merit. We are preparing to paint our dining room, and we love one of Savannah's art pieces so much that we may have to change the color we have chosen to be sure it will coordinate because that piece is going up.

It's prom night!

Savannah started the day with an AP test, so by the time prom rolled around, she was already pretty tired.  She went from the test to lunch with friends and then several of her girlfriends gathered at a friend's house to get ready.  They also stayed the night, so I have no idea if she had fun at the prom. I am sure she had fun at the after-party.

The grand entrance.  Of course they told their dates to be there at 4:30 and then made them wait.

She might be getting the hang of this.

Wyatt and Julia enjoyed the hammocks at the beautiful home where the kids gathered for pictures.

close friends - these two will spend three weeks together on a college campus this summer

Savannah's date is a nice guy.  Julia jokingly told him to have her home by 11, and we had to make sure he understood that we did not really expect them to leave the prom early.

another close friend

such lovely ladies with big hearts

very hard to get the guys in this picture

Savannah's Collide group- of course this isn't the whole group because they don't all go to the same school, and some of them went to prom with other groups.

I hope they had fun.  They did have a celebrity appearance at the prom - way cool.

Lasts and New Beginnings

On the same day that Julia performed her last elementary school concert, we made the painful decision to withdraw her from the school that has become our community.  You can see from the pictures that she is very invested in this community that has been her home away from home for eight years now, so while there is hope and joy in this decision, there is also heartbreak.  Please pray for me as I struggle to make peace with this decision.  It is purely financial.  If there were a way around it, we would not withdraw her.  Pray for Julia and for the jealousy that may ensue as she watches her friends move on and as her siblings continue at the school where she has had many good years.  Julia has great opportunities at her new school, but she has made her mind up that this will only be a one year break because we only need a one year break from her tuition.  We would rather she go willing to invest herself in this new school.  Julia makes friends easily, and we hope that will be true for middle school too.  If she ends up having a lonely year, it will be painful for all of us, but there are lessons learned even in that.  We are raising adults here, and life does not always give you your dreams.  It often disappoints, and if our children never face disappointments, adulthood is much harder.  I am tired of hard, but we can do hard.

As usual the kids did not disappoint.  They have a pretty phenomenal music teacher, so these concerts are always a joy.

We love Julia's teacher.  She could not have had a better fifth grade school year.

Julia also happened to be student of the week this week.  I guess we did alright on our video for her.  We were new to that process, but it has been shared with the principal and may also be shared with another teacher or two before she brings the flash drive home.  I plan to show it to family at her birthday party but hope there are no hurt feelings.  We really didn't include extended family in the video despite their huge importance to her because we were already running long on it.

Of course the kids then convince the parents that an after-party is necessary at a nearby ice cream shop.  It's not so hard to convince us.  They have the best ice cream in town.

We've spent fourteen years on this campus.  We're gonna miss this place, but we hold on to many sweet memories.

Party Time!

The girls wore fancy hats, and the boys were instructed to remember their bow ties (though some rebelled).  They enjoyed a good, clean southern party to celebrate a local holiday.  This is what I love about Savannah's friends.  They have a great time with good, clean, innocent fun, and they are so cute!  Unfortunately, despite my repeated instructions to take pictures because I wanted so badly to see the girls all dressed up with their pretty hats, Savannah did not bother.  Hopefully, someone will share the group pictures, so that I can take a peek into the fun.